Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
The art of dating a beautiful woman is very similar to the art of crafting an unforgettable story in a TV show: To keep a woman engaged, you need to keep her hooked at every moment and leave her with a great cliffhanger so she already wants to experience the next episode of a great date with you. That idea reminds me of a storytelling device that some people love, and others viscously hate: Mystery Boxes
The Dating Mystery Box: How to be Mysterious and Attractive — Sprinkle Tiny Mystery Attraction Switches
Invented by JJ Abrams, the idea of a mystery box is to introduce something mysterious into the mix but you don’t yet reveal what the mystery is. Everybody loves a great mystery, especially women. When a man is mysterious and doesn’t reveal all his cards on day one, it activates certain Mystery Attraction Triggers in a woman. All of a sudden, she will become curious and want to know how the story continues.
For anyone who remembers the TV show LOST, you know how addictive mystery can be to keep you hooked and wanting more. LOST was a once-in-a-lifetime cultural phenomenon driven by mystery boxes. Back in the day, this kind of storytelling was revolutionary and it paved the road for Blockbuster-type TV shows.
Unfortunately, in the world of dating, we’re still far away from a mystery renaissance. We have forgotten the art of being mysterious as a man. Today’s society is filled with men embodying weak beta male behaviors:
- Simps scour the internet for every hot IG girl to post heart emojis on her posts
- Every woman has more DMs in her inbox than she could ever open for the rest of her lifetime
- Weak men overpursue women at every step of the way on dating apps and on messaging apps
- Men no longer have sex and are more obsessed to get the attention of an OnlyFans model than conquering the gorgeous woman next door — the average man’s balls are bluer than the balls of a Smurf
- Heck, a week ago I saw a beta male commenting on a language exchange website that he likes a girl’s hat — I mean seriously, what the fuck guys?
This needy attention-seeking beta male behavior has to stop — it’s time for a renaissance of adventure, confidence, charm, and charisma. Just like the original Casanova, it’s time for men to reclaim their throne and live an exciting life that excites women — with an important caveat that I’ll touch upon in a moment. Being mysterious with a woman may be an art form, but it doesn’t require a thousand hours of practice to become a master at the art of seduction.
To win a woman’s heart, you don’t have to continuously be mysterious. All that’s needed is a tiny bit of mystery sprinkled in every once in a while to make a woman wonder about you. As I said, some movie critics viscously hate the concept of Mystery Boxes because when overdone, it merely introduces unnecessary mystery without providing any value. You want to make a woman wonder about you and make her crave to unravel the mystery of why you are so confident, but you don’t want to make her confused or unsure about whether or not she has a chance with you.
So, I got a situation from a guy who is dating a woman and his issue is that he is currently not on top of his game financially. He’s not broke, but he’s also nowhere near where he’d want to be. He wants to become more successful with women but he doesn’t know how to become more attractive to get the girl. Generally, he’s not mysterious enough with the woman he’s talking to and he doesn’t create enough intrigue and mystery to attract her. So, let’s dissect the problem.
Mystery in Dating: Being Mysterious Attractive to Win with Women while not Revealing all your Cards
Hi Coach, I need your advice. I’m 25, got out of a relationship about half a year ago, and I’m trying to become better at raising a girl’s attraction levels for me. My last ex broke up with me because she said she felt like our relationship was too predictable. I’m an introverted guy. She didn’t like that I’m too much of an at-home guy.
It took me some time to move on from her but I’m now back in the dating game, trying to meet attractive girls. I want to be able to date more attractive women on Tinder but I struggle with keeping girls entertained. I try to keep the conversations going but they tend to fizzle out and it’s me who has to chase the girls. If the girls are more attractive, if I get a match, they tend to hard to maintain and keep their interest high.
It’s tough because I’m no James Bond. I don’t have a lot of money, a fancy car or anything like that to lure a woman in. So I don’t know how to make a woman want me when I’m not as high status as other guys. I try to flirt and invite girls out but most of them reject it when I try to “go for the kill”. Isn’t it good if I try to be proactive and ask a girl out quickly to show her I’m confident?
Well, your last relationship is a good indicator of what’s going wrong with the new women that you’re meeting now. When you’re young an inexperienced, you may sometimes get lucky and date a cute girl who wants a nice guy. The problem is of course that women are hypergamic and they want to live an exciting life, with an exciting man. But they’re generally not the ones to seek out that life themselves. Instead, women want their man to be the adventurer and they’ll get along for the ride.
This is effectively what happened with your ex-girlfriend. And this is the same thing that any woman wants from you. You’re an introverted guy — there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m introverted myself. What makes me as a man exciting are my ambitions, my urge to go out of my comfort zone, and my desire to live an adventurous and unconventional life, such as living by the beach. Likewise, you don’t have to constantly have to be Mr. Jumping-Out-Of-A-Plane to excite a woman. Technically, you can even be exciting, adventurous and have fun with a woman at home or while rarely leaving the comfort of your city.
- You can have extremely wild, passionate, out-of-the-box thinking type of sex
- You can do creative and crazy things at home, such as randomly surprising your girlfriend with pranks, jokes, unexpected candlelight dinners, and so on
- You can go on a spontaneous 4-hour trip on the weekend just to go to a new restaurant
Being an introverted man doesn’t mean that you can’t be exciting to a woman, nor does it mean that you have to be the center of attention or that you need to spend time among large crowds. There’s a certain vibe that women can feel when they talk to a man who doesn’t go out of his comfort zone to experience new things. I mean, think back to the last time that you ran into a man that you either found inspiring or who intimidated you because he seemed to be such a confident badass. What did he do? What were his characteristics? How does he spend his life on average?
Sure, maybe he had some money. But I guarantee what made him stand out more was the way he carried himself and the lifestyle that you can literally feel pouring through his veins. Some men just ooze charisma.
- They are fit or muscular and seem like they could help you out if you’re in a pinch
- They are always happy and smiling, never complaining even when problems arise
- They dress clean but classy, or unconventional and daring, and don’t question their manliness
- They talk with everyone as if they own the place while at the same time seeming humble
There’s a certain mysterious allure to a positive man who seems to have an abundance mindset. A man with an abundance mindset doesn’t even need to seduce a woman. He doesn’t need to make a move on her. He doesn’t need to ask her out to get to the next stage with her.
There’s something inherently fascinating to a woman about a man who doesn’t need to seal the deal. A woman will go crazy when a man seems delighted with life and just goes with the flow. That kind of energy is like a puzzle that a woman wants to put together. If a woman can see all the pieces of you being abundant with life & women, it turns into a mystery that needs to be uncovered. The big question to a woman becomes: Why is he not bothered by me or anyone else?
I can guarantee you, one of the reasons why you are not having success with keeping conversations going and getting rejected by women is because you are trying too hard to ask them out. Think about it: That’s what a man would do if he manages to start a conversation with a girl by sheer coincidence. He’d want to set up a date as fast as possible.
Of course, being proactive with a woman is great — I’d even say it’s necessary. But first, you need to establish that the woman wants you to be proactive. The best way to do so is to not chase her, stay focused on developing a personality that seems adventurous and daring, and whenever a woman wants to talk to you because you have an interesting personality, that’s when you “go for the kill!”
I’m sure you asked yourself as least once “When should you message a girl after the first date?” — and the answer to that question is: Whenever! You don’t have to be as charismatic as James Bond to get a woman interested in you. But you need to replicate his approach with women. Think about what James Bond would do after he meets a gorgeous woman at a party. Do you think he’s going to call her the next day? No! Because he’s busy saving the world. He’s on a mission! And that’s exactly why women crave to be with James Bond. Because he’s always a tiny bit out of reach. Not too much. Just a tiny bit.
If you go for the kill and you get rejected, then it means that the attraction wasn’t high enough for you. Most likely because you are not on a mission. A woman should always know that you’re up to something big so that she feels excited to be a part of it. That’s not to say you should be boasting about achievements, but you need to project an image that signifies that you are on a crusade to make the most out of life. If you ask her out too soon, or when the attraction isn’t there, then it’s a clear sign that you’re into her. That’s the wrong approach with a woman.
A woman wants to be kept in the dark on whether or not she can have a man, but at the same time, she needs a small sign to see that you want her and that you’re not afraid to take her. The reason why alpha males are so attractive to women is because they are like a mystery: Can I have him? That’s the mystery that you need to present to a woman to make her chase you and think about you all the time. But most guys make women ask themselves a different question: Will I let him have me?
So, your first step is to reflect on whether you are the well-balanced man who seems like a mystery that needs to be unraveled. If not, get back to working on developing your personality.
Mystery Creates Attraction: How to Get a Woman Obsessed with you with Mystery Attraction Triggers
Now, that said, I’m currently talking to one girl and things are still ongoing with the conversation. I actually added her on WhatsApp on IG. So, It’s going OK so far. But I haven’t asked her out or anything like that yet because I don’t want to make the same mistake again of asking her out and then getting rejected. So I’m now trying to figure out when is the right time to ask her to go out with me?
I guess the big problem that I have is that like I said, I’m no successful entrepreneur or anything of those sorts, so it’s only a matter of time before she might find out that I’m not as successful as another guy might be, and then she would probably lose attraction. I think it’s best to go on a date with a girl as quickly as possible to make her like my personality, rather than focus on what I have to offer, but as you can see, it hasn’t worked out with other girls.
Well, you took the first step already to get her to want to go out with you. If a girl has added you on social media or on a messenger app, it shows you that she’s into you and at the very least, she is curious about you. The key to then going out with her is to simply pull her closer into your world, while not revealing too much about yourself too quickly. You want to build up a little bit of attraction, tension, and anticipation.
The best way to ask a girl out is to be spontaneous in the moment after you already raised her attraction for you gradually. You can typically tell when a girl has reached her peak of wanting to see you if she goes out of her way to get in touch with you as often as possible. When a woman is extremely attracted to you, she will react to anything that you post on social media. Whether that’s a funny joke, a cute meme of an animal, or a strong opinion that you’re holding.
In a sense, social media posts are like little mystery boxes that can be used to attract women. Each one contains a small detail about you that explains what you’re all about as a man. Everything you reveal yourself in small doses unravels the mystery of what type of man you are. If each mystery box is engaging enough, then she’ll want to know more. Of course, if what you share on social media is boring, uninspiring, defeatist, ungrateful, and so on, then a woman won’t be interested in talking to you. But if everything you share is like a cliffhanger that shows how exciting life could be with you, then eventually, she’ll want to be part of the grand finale and will want to go on a date with you.
The key to make a woman obsessed with you is finding that sweet spot where you flirt a tiny bit with her without chasing her. Every now and then you flirt with her, say something sexual, make some jokes about something that’s going on, but not too much. At the same time, you’re never chasing her. It’s always her who signals to you that she wants to be a part of your life. If a woman doesn’t want to be a part of your life, she wouldn’t constantly react to what you share about your life. It’s common sense.
In fact, going back to your last relationship and why your last ex dumped you again highlights this concept once more: Relationships are about discovery — we repeatedly want to learn and get to know our partner. We want to find out new things about the person we love because otherwise, love would be boring. A tiny bit of mystery goes a long way to keep things exciting in a relationship. That’s probably why blindfolds have been invented.
So what you need to do is maintain a small level of mystery, a small level of exploration & brand-new discovery. Whether that’s with a new girl, or within a long-term relationship. When you’re in a relationship, a woman will never dump you if she can continuously discover something new and amazing about you. So the best thing that you can do is be obsessed with yourself, be an inspiring man, and then mystery box by mystery box, share it with the woman that you like or love, and that in turn will make her obsessed with you.
Imagine you’d be in a relationship and things have gotten maybe not stale, but perhaps a little bit boring or routine. Now imagine you’d suggest a spontaneous weekend trip to go to a strawberry farm, followed by a visit to the spa, and wrapped up with a nice Italian dinner. Your girlfriend would be exhilarated by the thought of going to those places with you. That’s the same exhilaration that you need to build up in the girl that you’re talking to. And the best way how you can make her want to do these things with you is make her wonder about the things she could do with you. And after just a short while, if she liked what she saw on your stories, she’ll be excited to go out with you if you suggest to her to do something along the lines that she’s already gotten a sneak peek of on your stories.
Mysterious Pick Up Lines: Seduction as a Manipulation Tactic won’t make you Happy — Be a One Woman Man
I’m trying to figure out a better way to seduce girls and get laid. I think there’s like some secret sauce that I’m missing if I compare myself with other guys. I tend to never quite know what to say to a girl to keep her interested, so I’m thinking that I need some tricks and pickup lines that really work well in a bunch of scenarios. Do you have a suggestions what I could do to always have something good to say to any girl that I meet?
No, I don’t have any. Do you know why? Because pickup lines are for losers. And I’m not saying that pickup lines don’t work. They do. I am referring to a different type of loser.
Here’s a quick word of warning for all of you guys, especially the young ones: Being obsessed with seducing a woman, or as many women as possible is a terrible life path to choose. These principles about being mysterious should be a mindset that you should use to find one great woman and make her yours. There is a reason why most religious texts consider seduction as something to be avoided.
- In the story of Genesis, Eve is seduced by the serpent in the Garden of Eden to eat the forbidden fruit, leading to her and Adamn’s exile from paradise
- In ancient Greek mythology, the first woman, Pandora, is given a box by Zeus and instructed to never open it, but of course, she opens Pandora’s box, unleashing evils, and sicknesses into the world
- In the philosophy of Buddhism, seduction and attachment are considered hindrances on the path to enlightenment which eventually lead to suffering
The focus on suffering for Buddhism couldn’t be more spot on. This overlap in religious texts is no coincidence. Short-term pleasures such as sex without commitment will never lead to long-term satisfaction. There are pickup artists who teach men how to have sex with as many women as possible, only focusing on their own individual pleasures, but where are those men now? They’re single, divorced, miserable, and alone, unhappy with the way they lived their lives. Neil Strauss, one of the inventors of modern Pick Up Artistry talked a lot about this in his book “The Truth”. Even Casanova — the archetype of a player — died alone, in bad health, without any family or loved ones to give him a satisfying sendoff.
Don’t get me wrong, short-term pleasures will feel great in the beginning, but sex without meaning with a woman will get boring very quickly. And worse, when you start a relationship with this as the baseline, you risk going down the dangerous path of becoming divorced and eventually feeling disenchanted with relationships. It’s a vicious cycle that’s hard to break. So the sooner you gain clarity on this, the better. Advice on how to win a woman’s heart will serve you for a lifetime. Advice on how to win a woman’s pussy will serve you for a few weeks at best. Learn to seduce a woman but only seduce one woman and make her your wife or long-term girlfriend.
The truth is that if this isn’t your goal, then getting a quick hookup should be relatively easy. The lower the standards of a woman, the easier it will be for you to have sex with her. If she is currently in her phase where she thinks sexual liberation will bring her happiness in the long run, then you only need to be moderately confident and your main criteria has to be to have as much status and look as attractive as possible. But as I said, these are shallow and fruitless endeavors as you grow older — so pork smarter, not harder.
Being Mysterious is Attractive: How to be Mysterious as a Man WITHOUT Being Boring or Dismissive?
I feel like there’s always the danger of coming off as boring or not interesting enough to a girl. To be honest, it’s kind of tiring that you always have to be on your A-Game as a guy and know exactly what to say, when to say it, and how to say it.
Dating beautiful women can be very demanding and they can lose interest quickly. I’ve been thinking about trying the “hard to get” route instead because the more direct approach failed for me, but I’d like to hear your thoughts if you think that’s a better way to get a girl attracted.
I know you want to know how to get a girl to chase you and want to go out with you, but to get a woman to chase you, you’ll need to walk in front of her, not chase behind her.
I would not employ the hard-to-get approach at all. But, being hard to be impressed is always a good strategy with a woman. In the same breath, being hard to categorize might also be a great way to not come off as boring. Going back to the tales of Casanova, one of the ways that you’ll see in his stories was that he wasn’t just a random man who knew how to talk to women. While knowing how to talk to a woman is an important skill to master, a lot of it has nothing to do with what you say to a woman.
Casanova knew how to talk to anyone and he always found a way to win in life because he never stopped moving. Some of his exploits are definitely questionable, but it’s undoubtedly that he had many traits a man should possess:
- He was a man of culture — he socialized in elite circles, met extremely famous women, and indulged in pleasures that allowed him access to high-quality individuals
- He was an intellectual and well-spoken man — he knew how to sell himself and make others believe in him, which is probably why he was so good at scamming people
- He was a well-traveled man — he was an observer of the world around him and knew how to craft interesting stories that captivated others
- He was a risk-taker — he was audacious enough to venture into new experiences and approach women with confidence
The most attractive trait that a man can have to attract women is versatility. No hard-to-get or direct approach will work with a woman if you are not interesting on average. Some guys only focus on one area of interest in their lives. They vertically turn themselves into Chads.
- There are men who are extremely good with technology
- Men who are extremely muscular and know how to lift weights
- There are men who know how to listen to a woman and make her feel loved
But all of these skills are useless if the rest of your character isn’t interesting.
- There are men who have all the money in the world because their IT company earns them a fortune — yet they don’t know how to buy a woman a drink
- There are men who are as strongly built as a tower — yet they don’t know how to approach a woman
- And there are men who know how to listen to a woman — yet they are oblivious to the attraction signs of a woman standing right next to them
To women, a man with a vertical array of traits will rarely be interesting. It’s hard to match up on exactly one area of interest and intrigue a woman. But when you horizontally develop yourself, that’s where the magic happens that draws women closer to you. To capture a woman’s attention, you shouldn’t be vertically boring, nor should you be dismissive. To the right woman, you will be irresistible if you match a few of her criteria that she appreciates. It’s like a Venn diagram. What gets women attracted to men is the sweet spot in the middle where multiple great qualities overlap with her desires.
Playing hard-to-get is a futile and desperate attempt to hide that you aren’t a self-developed man. It’s almost like hiding the inadequacies that make a woman lose interest in you. If you want to win with women, stop playing hard to get and instead work hard on yourself to be so horizontally self-developed that any woman wants to know about multiple areas of your life.
- Get a great job and master your craft
- Travel to many places — and yes, that doesn’t have to be expensive
- Learn a new language, new ideas, and read many books
- Become mentally and physically fit and resilient
- Indulge in the arts, be a creator, an author, and put your own ideas out into the world
- Be a man of your community and be known to everyone in your closest circles
- Master your finances and create a roadmap for wealth & stability
Become a treasure trove of mystery boxes that a woman can open one-by-one, and in no time, a woman is going to chase you, and practically beg you to undress her. And you will have to do almost nothing. Or, as Casanova said it:
Be the flame, not the moth.