Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about gold diggers, having boundaries, and having equality in relationships? What??? Equality?! I don’t like feminism so much. I think a lot of the equality bullshit is… Bullshit… But of course, women always want to have equality. If you want equality, then you gotta take the good and the bad parts of equality. And if you’re dating a woman who’s kind of a gold digger, who doesn’t want to contribute to the relationship the same way that you’re contributing, then you gotta ask twice if that is the right woman. Now, of course, as a man, you should be the provider. You should be the man who probably earns more proportionately. You could probably pay more, but if your girlfriend is loaded, if your wife is loaded and she’s not willing to pay anything, then maybe she’s using you.
Maybe she is a little bit of I guess you could say a covert gold digger. A secret gold-digger. She’s not asking you to buy her jewelry or something like that, but she’s definitely happy that you’re paying for a lot of stuff like the rent, or the food, or something like that. And she doesn’t have to. So you got to be really careful because you want to make sure that you date a great woman who treats you relatively equal. I’m not saying that a woman should be paying exactly the same stuff that you should be paying. The same amount of money. But if a woman, for example, never is willing to pay any food when you go out, at restaurants, for example, that should be a red flag. So I have a situation from a guy who is essentially dating a bit of a gold digger. A covert gold digger. So let’s get into the situation.
Gold Digger Warning Signs: Dating A Career Oriented Woman Often Doesn’t Work Out
Hi coach, I need your insights on my current relationship. I have been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for almost two years. We’re both relatively young. I am 27 and she’s 23 and just fresh out of college, with her first job. We moved in together after roughly six months of dating and we both get along overall quite well. We are both high achievers. I work in a management position at my company and by the way, this is my first management position ever, and my girlfriend was working really hard to become a partner at one of the big marketing firms. We both thrive when working our asses off. It gives us a kick to be good at our jobs. So in that sense, it is all good.
So yeah, it sounds good enough so far. Now, of course, there is a bit of a danger that she might be a little bit too alpha for you, because if she’s a high achiever and she works at what do you say… One of the big four marketing firms… That must be quite competitive. So these are high achievers. So there might be a bit of a relationship clash there, or a personality clash, which leads to clashes in the relationship. Just something to keep in mind. But of course, there’s also the benefit that you are both kind of high achievers, or you have similar values that you really want to get shit done and you don’t want to be mediocre. So that’s something good. So pros and cons. Just be sure that she’s not too alpha male. That she’s not too masculine. She should be more feminine than you for sure.
The problem with the situation is that my girlfriend and I often clash about the subject of money. For reference, we live in Mexico, so living cost isn’t as high here as in wealthy countries. To give you a little bit of context, I earn a decent income of two thousand dollars monthly. My girlfriend at first barely earned five hundred dollars. That’s not a lot but it’s kind of accepted in her field. Everyone basically gets exploited like crazy for the possibility of becoming a partner at the firm, which means major big bucks the higher you climb the ladder. Most of my girlfriend’s friends used to live together in a really tiny apartment because it’s hard to live with this kind of money.
So basically what that tells me is she wants to have more money. Of course. She’s working hard for making more money and if you would be in that situation and you live in a tiny apartment with a lot of co-workers I guess that would be quite shitty. That would be really frustrating. And so of course, anything that’s better, you’re gonna take it. So if she finds a guy who can pay for the rent, she’s gonna take it for sure. Now, the question is: Is she gonna do this forever? So let’s continue with the message.
Don’t Be The Nice Guy: When Your Girlfriend Doesn’t Pay For Anything Or Won’t Share Cost Of Living
So ever since we started living together, I have been shouldering most of our living costs, travel costs, new furniture, etc. … This didn’t bother me at first because I understood that she wasn’t earning much, but eventually, she actually quit the firm because she realized how toxic this kind of work environment is. I kept on encouraging her to find an employer that actually values her work. She has hopped jobs twice since then within the one and a half years since we’ve been together and now she does earn a decent income of 1200$. Again, that still doesn’t sound like a lot, but at her age with this kind of salary in Mexico, she’s already earning a lot. It really shows you that she’s a go-getter and it’s one of her best qualities.
So this is where the problem starts. At this point she earns enough to spend more on our expenses but she doesn’t want to and then she always says ‘if you don’t want to spend that amount of money, I’m okay to live at a cheaper place.’… I get the argument but it’s kind of not fair. Why would we lower our quality of life if we can afford it? She still only pays roughly 25% of all the expenses which isn’t very proportionate if you look at her income, which by the way still keeps on increasing because she started freelancing because local companies don’t pay enough.
Well, why would she say that to you? If you don’t stand up for yourself you’re, just going to keep on paying. You don’t want to lower your standards. She might know what she’s doing there. She knows you don’t want to lower your standards. So you want to keep the place or even a better one. So you’re not going to make compromises and she’s giving you a reasonable argument here of “Well, let’s just pay less. Let’s go into a shittier place,” and what are you gonna say about that?! Technically, she’s right, but just because she’s right, doesn’t mean that she’s right.
Because as you say, you could definitely afford it. So is it gonna break the bank? Is it gonna kill the two of you if you pay a little bit more? Or if she pays more? I mean, you’re paying the same, you’re just asking her to pay her fair share and she’s earning $1200, right? And you’re earning $2000… So she’s not earning that much less than you. Okay, sure, that’s still a pretty big percentage, of course, but she could probably contribute to the apartment. Maybe not 100% the same, but at least a little bit more, because you said that you’ve been paying for everything… Like the trips, everything, the food, restaurants, and the apartment, so it’s not really a fair arrangement anymore. So let’s see what you have to say.
Mistakes Nice Guys Make: Don’t Let A Woman Control You And Don’t Let A Woman Disrespect You
I try to be understanding of her point of view, but it gets really hard to be understanding when she has the argument that we could always spend less if it makes me happy, but then she goes out to work at coffee shops and restaurants all the time, buys herself new clothes, and goes out drinking with her girlfriends a lot. I’m still very inexperienced with women, so I don’t know if I just don’t understand women. Isn’t this kind of unreasonable? I sometimes just don’t get women and how they can be so confusing and contradictory with the things they say and do. Please give me some advice.
Well, I have a feeling that she does care a lot about money. She works at these big firms that are kind of not good work environments, or she was willing to work there and she really cares about the money, and she doesn’t want to spend. There’s a little bit of narcissism there perhaps. Maybe she cares a lot about money, but she doesn’t want to spend. She cares about her living standards, she thinks that she is above everything else, and maybe she thinks she’s entitled. She doesn’t have to pay and look, she’s clearly pushing it, because if you say that she’s going out for coffee shops or meeting with friends, I guess if she’s freelancing, yeah, she might go to coffee shops but does she really have to do that all the time? It gets expensive. I don’t go to work at coffee shops all the time. I do go to coffee shops relatively often, but it adds up if you go to coffee shops all the time. It gets expensive. So some days, even though it really bores me, I work at home. I actually am more productive at home although it’s kind of not very stimulating, but you just gotta be reasonable, and I don’t think that she’s reasonable at all. So do you not understand women?
No, I think the problem is you’re not speaking up. You’re not having clear boundaries. So you should tell her clearly what you think. Look, you can you only have two options, really. You can move into the shittier apartment, at least then you had a compromise and see if she really likes that, and then see how does she behave. So does she still treat you the same? Or did something change? Because you are basically paying less and now it’s a bit more equality, you could say, or you tell her no, that doesn’t make sense. You’re not asking her to pay that much, but you expect to pay a fair share in relation to what she’s earning. Right now, so let’s say, you’re earning $2000. She’s earning $1200… Let’s say your apartment is… I don’t know what apartments are in Mexico but let’s just say you pay 700 bucks for an apartment… I guess it’s probably too expensive in Mexico, but anyway, 700 bucks in Mexico and let’s say you are paying $400 and you expect her to pay #300, right?
I get that the proportion might not really work but I mean if she pays 300 bucks, then she still has 900 bucks left to spend it on whatever she wants. Like, come on! You’re a couple! You’re saving together. So you’re saving money already by just being together. It is a fair arrangement! As a couple you’re saving a lot of money in general, so come on, if she doesn’t want to accept that, honestly, I think she’s a little bit of a gold digger because she doesn’t want to accept that. She also has to contribute to this relationship. And yes, also monetary, that’s just the modern world. Now, women earn their fair share of living. They wanted that. They wanted their equality. So they also need to get equality in terms of relationships and how to live together as a couple. Men and women.
And let’s be real, at the point when she earns 2000 dollars, if it ever happens, and you also earn two thousand dollars, let’s say just hypothetically your salary didn’t increase… Is she still gonna say that she doesn’t wanna pay more? That’s just really total bullshit. At that point, you should be paying equally. So if her salary increases, she should be willing to pay more, otherwise, she’s just using you. So my advice here is just speak up. Tell her reasonably that this doesn’t make sense with the percentage and then tell her “I don’t really like this. Either we move into a cheaper place,“… like she suggested, then I wouldn’t even fight about it, but just see how does she now behave.
But I would honestly say the opposite. Do the opposite. Instead, say that “You you’re earning a lot more money. You only have to pay like $200 more“, or I guess it’s there Mexican Peso. “It’s not going to kill you. And I’m your partner. We should be treated fairly. Both of us should be treated fairly. I paid a lot of our rent, and our food, and trips for like a year and a half,” or however long you’ve been together. One and a half years I think. So that means you had a lot of goodwill. You basically fed her when she wasn’t successful. You were her support system when she needed it. So now you want her to also support you and the truth is if she values you, if she really cares about you, if she’s not a gold digger, she’s going to understand that. Then she’s going to appreciate that you took care of her when she needed it because look, let’s face it: She was living in this really shitty apartment with multiple co-workers, I guess and now I’m assuming she’s living maybe in even a bigger place and only with you.
So her living standards have increased so much and you shouldered that for probably at least a year. So she needs to show some gratitude and if she doesn’t show that gratitude, well, I’m not saying that you should be breaking up, but it’s something that you should consider. Because you don’t want to be used by a woman. And you gotta have healthy boundaries. Healthy boundaries about how to spend your money. And to be treated equally. #feminism I’m all for that. So that is my advice. It’s pretty straightforward: Just tell her what you want and if she can’t give you that, then it’s about money… And not every relationship lasts forever, dude, that’s the honest truth. And you’re going to go down in your life into certain situations where you spent too much money on certain shit and then you will look back five years later and you’ll be like “Why did I spend so much money on this? Or this? Or this?“…
And you’ll feel stupid and I’m not saying that your relationship won’t last, but you’re still young and there’s a chance that you might date someone else in the future. And you’re gonna feel really shitty if you spend so much money on her if it didn’t work out. I’m not saying that’s not gonna work out, but it’s just something to keep in mind. Always keep a healthy dose of rationality in your dating decisions, because otherwise, you’re gonna look back at it and you’re gonna be like “Shit why did I ever do this right there? Why did I ever date this chick? She was so crazy! She was so jealous! She was so insecure! She was so abusive! She was a gold digger! She was not respectful! She wasn’t caring! She wasn’t affectionate!” All kinds of things that could be avoided if you just say “this is not for me,” and get out of it before it gets too bad. I see this very often that guys stay in relationships really, really long and they’re so miserable.
So look, either you fix it when you’re miserable when something doesn’t make you happy, or you leave. It’s just that simple. And I know that’s not really simple. It’s really hard to make these tough calls to end the relationship or realize that it’s not good and try to make a change. It takes resilience. You have to be an alpha male. But you are an alpha male from the sounds of it. But you also have a little bit of a beta quality there because you’re not really sure about her because you’re thinking of her feelings, or are you not being considerate of her? And no, I think you’re a quite considerate guy. So now I think it’s time to speak up and say “This is not fair anymore, so I want us to be equal partners in the relationship,” and if she loves you, she understands that. So that is my advice for you. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.