Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re going to talk about when a woman chooses another guy over you. And in this case, actually an abusive, shitty, disrespectful man. Perhaps this happened to you in the past. You’ve been dating a girl or you’ve been talking to a girl. You feel like the chemistry is great. It’s like everything is great between the two of you. You feel like you have emotions for each other. You’re laughing. You laugh about the same jokes, same humor, same interests. You could talk for days. Endlessly. And you think soon she’s going to be your girlfriend. And then bam! She’s dating another guy. And often it turns out that this other guy is actually a complete DONK, I guess you could say, for the YouTube censorship God. And you’re wondering: “What the hell just happened?! Why would she date someone who’s so toxic, who is objectively worse than me?!”
So, well, let’s get into this. I have a situation of a guy who is essentially in that situation. And he is basically the emotional doormat of this girl. And he is getting his hopes up. He keeps his hopes up. And he is in a way chasing this girl that doesn’t want him. And she’s already dating another guy. And he should just basically move on, let it go and give it up. That’s what you all should do. If a woman doesn’t want you, if she chooses a toxic guy, or even just if she chooses another guy, move on and find another woman. Find a woman who appreciates you and makes you priority number one. And if a woman especially dates a guy who clearly has some issues, he’s not a good guy, yet she still chooses that guy over you… She can’t be helped. She is probably not a good woman because she on purpose, in a sense, on purpose chooses these terrible men. So anyways, let’s get into the situation. Let’s see what is my advice.
A Low Self Esteem Woman’s Dilemma: Why She Chose A Toxic Boyfriend Over You
Hey, coach, I need your advice or thoughts on this absolute shit situation that I am in. I’m in love with a woman who is now dating another guy, who in my opinion, is pretty abusive. I don’t think there’s another way to put it. She’s been dating this guy for about six months now, and she keeps telling or venting to me how he doesn’t treat her right. I don’t understand why she dates this guy when we had been dating for a short while casually. But then she chose this guy over me.
Well, she can choose this guy over you because even if he’s abusive and he’s a shit boyfriend, I’m sure the sex is amazing. I’m sure he’s kind of confident and sometimes a bit cocky. And he says outrageous things. Yes, these things make her unhappy every now and then. But that is still attractive. Then on top of that, when she’s not happy, she gets to vent. She gets to talk to you and you are there for her. So clearly, she’s going to go for the guy that she’s initially attracted to. And she’s gonna hope, probably, over time: “I can fix him. It’s going to get better. He’s going to change as he gets older,” or “Maybe as we have children or get married over time, I will tame him.” Meanwhile, she can keep on dating… Well, not dating you. She can keep on using you for emotional support until hopefully, so she thinks, this guy is going to change. Now, of course, that guy will probably never change. He’s happy with the status quo in the relationship. He would probably only ever really change if he actually loves her. She breaks up with him and then he realizes the errors of his ways. Then he realizes: “Shit! I need to change something about the way that I show up in relationships!” And so, yeah, she’s choosing the shitty guy and you should just accept that. But you can’t. We’re going to see this in a moment as I go through your message. So let’s continue.
Nice Guys Don’t Get Laid: Why Do Girls Like Bad Boys Who Don’t Treat Them Well?
So here’s our story and then her story for a little bit background. Her and I met in the least unlikely of places. We met in a resort in Turkey, which I honestly thought would be boring back then. I didn’t want to go, but it was a family trip. So anyway, we met there randomly by chance and ended up getting along really well. We both were into each other and spent some time together, but nothing ever happened back then because I was shy. And also we were both with our families. Anyway, we kept in touch.
Well, there we have it! Another reason why you are not with her: Because you didn’t make any moves. You said yourself you were shy. It was a family trip. So it sounds to me that you might be young because you’re going on a family trip on a resort. That could also happen if you’re older. But maybe you’re still in your teenage years or in college or something like that. So you probably lack game. You weren’t confident enough. I assume that the other guy is probably older than you. And I’m sure he went right for the kill really fast. If you meet a girl in a resort… Well, it depends on the person, I suppose you could hook up with her in that resort. I wouldn’t necessarily always say that is the right thing now, because I’m not such a hookup guy anymore. And I think take it slowly a little bit. Take at least a few weeks to really get to know her and see if you have a future. But if that’s your thing, if you want to hook up, you could actually do that. And you should do that.
The point is that you have to be sexually confident with a woman. Even if you don’t seduce her, even if you don’t want to go down the road of hookup culture, you’ve got to show her really quickly that you want her. You can kiss her really quickly. You can hug her really quickly. You can touch her really quickly. Simply just show confidently that you want her. If you didn’t do that… And I guarantee you, the other guy probably did that because like you said, he’s abusive as well, so he probably doesn’t give a fuck! And he just goes for whatever the hell he wants! And he doesn’t think how other people feel. That is a blessing in disguise sometimes. You know, some nice guys, they will not try to seduce a girl because they think: “I got to respect her boundaries. I got to make sure that she’s ready. I got to wait for the right timing, something, something, yada, yada.”
But the bad guy doesn’t care. He just goes for it. And that’s kind of the mindset that you need to adapt. It doesn’t mean that you need to be a dick or basically disrespect a woman’s boundaries and go too fast for her. And you got to figure out, okay, what’s her current pacing? How far can you push it, in a way that it still makes her feel comfortable? Maybe minimally on the edge. You know, she’s like a little bit out of her comfort zone, but if you give her a little bit of time, you push a little bit, that’s a bit too much. Then you give her time again for her to ease up. If you’re confident around that new comfort zone, or that out of comfort zone stage, and you slowly push her towards the level where she is super excited to be with you. And she just wants you. That’s what a man should do. You probably didn’t do that. And that’s why you are not with her. And why things didn’t go anywhere. Anyways, let’s continue.
She Started Dating Someone Else: When She Starts To Reject You For An Alpha Male
We both live in Italy, but not too close to each other. So we wouldn’t always see each other because of the distance. It’s not super far, but basically it requires weekend meetups. Anyway, we went on three dates and I thought things were going great. But after the third date, she became distant with me and was no longer as talkative with me. I noticed her change in behavior, but didn’t bring it up because I didn’t want to cause drama and we weren’t like official. We didn’t even kiss yet. Anyway, I found out pretty quickly why she was pulling away: She started dating another guy.
Again, it’s the thing with you not moving fast enough. Three dates and not even a kiss. Way too slow! After the third date, you should probably already seduce her. Even if you’re a bit more conservative, if you meet her multiple times at some point, you get to that stage where you feel really comfortable and you’re like, okay, we can take it to the next level. Now, if you’re a little bit religious and more conservative, you might say, no, I want to take it much slower. That’s fine. If that is your thing, that’s totally fine, obviously. But I assume that’s not who you are. You want to mingle with a girl, get to know her. And as soon as you feel comfortable, you want to seduce her. You want to pin her down. You want to make her your girlfriend relatively quickly. That’s what most people want. And you didn’t do that. That’s why she’s again with that other guy. She didn’t even get a kiss from you. So there’s no sexual tension there. Yes, maybe like you said, it was really fun. You had good chemistry, laughing and all that stuff like in the trip in Turkey. Everything was perfect. But if you don’t convert that energy into some sexual energy, then you can’t really do anything, anyways.
Eventually She Chose A Toxic Guy: She Complains To Me About Her Toxic Boyfriend
They’ve been together for roughly six months now and I’m kind of frustrated and also disappointed at the same time. I still have feelings for her and we’re still friends. And she tells me about him and his shitty behaviors. I never understood why she chose him over me. We had been dating already and we clearly liked each other. We had great chemistry right from the moment when we met. I always treated her with respect and kindness, unlike that asshole that she’s dating now. This guy is just an all-around terrible person. He’s abusive, controlling, and I think he’s even at least to some extent, is violent. I just don’t understand why she would choose him over me.
Even mutual friends tell me about him and they also think that he is not good for her. He makes her cancel plans with me, or some of her friends to spend time with him. But sometimes he also makes no time for her. It’s like she lets him do whatever he wants. He also has anger issues for apparently no reason. She complains about his issues to me and whenever they have a fight, which honestly is usually because of him, she will cry and ask me for help. And I think he’s also violent. Not that he’s hit her, but it seems to me that he is intimidating her. Apparently, he’s very physically intrusive with invading her private space when he’s angry. It makes me sick to my stomach that she is putting up with this kind of treatment.
Well, here you go. You are simping for her. Basically, you’re like the guy who is always there for her. No matter what happens, no matter how often she pulls that shit, you don’t get frustrated with it. You have patience for her. If you would be in a relationship with a woman and she does the same annoying thing over, and over, and over, after a while you would get annoyed. If your best friend does or says the same thing over and over, after a while you’d be like, “Fuck! For the fucking love of God, man! We have been going through this issue like 10 times now. I’m listening to this shit for a 20th time now and you’re still not making any change! What the fuck is wrong with you?! I don’t even want to hear it anymore!” And you are just endless patience.
So you are the simp! You are the guy that she can turn to all the time. So this guy has no consequences. Yes, she’s not happy with this guy. Yes, he’s intimidating her. Yes, maybe the way that he acts and the way that he might be scaring her or how it doesn’t make her happy sometimes, maybe that holds her back from leaving for whatever reason. Maybe she is a little bit afraid of leaving, who knows why, but she probably truly loves that guy. But here you are, whenever things aren’t going right with him! Normally she would soak all of that negativity in. She would really feel it. She would feel like shit. And she does feel like shit, of course, but she’s got you to fix those problems. If you wouldn’t be there, he wouldn’t fix the problems. And maybe after some time she would realize this guy is just not good for her and she would just give up and she would leave him. Yes, it might still take quite some time, but probably after a while she can no longer deal with this and she’ll be done with this guy. Then she will dump his ass. Who knows when that is?
And yes, some women never do that. Some women just lack confidence. Some women have issues and they date these guys endlessly. And you’re just like….Okay, you’re one of the crazy ones. Well, you got to stay away from a woman like this. She might actually be one of the crazy ones. And maybe you should stay away from her! Completely! Ever! Even if they get back to it… I mean even if they break up, you shouldn’t date her. Who knows? But since you are always there for her, who knows? Maybe if you wouldn’t be there for her in two months from now, she would break up with this fucker because he’s a total dick. But she’s got you. So why does she need to break up? She probably still gets really amazing sex. Then whenever she has that amazing sex, she’s telling herself, she’s bullshitting herself, “It’s all fine. It’s going to work out. Look at how great this is. I feel so close to him. And so whenever I feel close to him, I feel like, okay, this can work out. It’s not that bad. I can make this work.” So yeah, there you go.
“I’m Better Than Him” Mindset: An Insecure Woman In A Relationship Chooses A Bad Boy Over Mr. Perfect
This guy doesn’t deserve her at all. I tried to talk to her about it to make her see that she deserves better than him. When she vents to me, it is so obvious that she should leave him. But no matter what I say, she keeps making excuses for staying with him. She says she loves him, blah, blah, blah. It’s complete horseshit. She keeps on defending him when he clearly does not deserve it at all. She thinks that he loves her a lot and that he will change. It’s the most stupid cliche thing. It’s frustrating to see her with such a dick who doesn’t treat her the way she deserves to be treated. I know I could be the kind of man she needs, but for some reason, she just can’t see it. Why would she keep on dating this guy who clearly never was good for her like literally ever? They were having problems almost from the start of the relationship. I really don’t get it. I’m just waiting for them to break up. It’s bound to happen soon, but just in case, what if they stay together? What can I do in this scenario? Is there a way for her to see that I’m better than this guy? Or at the very least, get her to leave this guy and then maybe in the future we can make things work? Thanks. That’s pretty much all I wanted to know. Cheers, Felix.
Nah, man, there’s not really anything that you can do here. You’ve got to stop simping. The problem is you have white knight in shining armor syndrome. You think, why would she date this guy when I’m clearly so much better? You think you are her savior. You think that you’re the guy who’s going to solve all her problems. Sure, that might be true if she would actually commit to you, but you’ve got to realize, well, you don’t have what it takes to get that kind of woman. She chooses another guy who’s more confident, who goes for what he wants. And so it doesn’t matter what kind of nice qualities you have. I’m sure you’re a nice dude. I’m sure you’re great. I’m sure you’re a great listener. But women want more than that. Women want to go on an adventure with the guy that they’re with.
And clearly, she feels like she’s not on an adventure with you. You’re just her pen pal. You are her best girl friend, who she can talk to about her problems. And that’s about it. You’re not exciting for her. Now, is she going to break up with this guy maybe in the future? Perhaps. But do you really want to be like that last choice when nothing worked out? And now she might take you because she couldn’t find someone who made her happy. Even then, honestly, I think she will still not choose you because you’re just lacking the confidence. And the best thing that you can do is walk away from this woman. I’m not telling you that you don’t need to be friends with her. I’m not telling you that you can’t stay in contact with her. Don’t be her continuous vent buddy. Tell her that you’ve been telling her to leave this guy and it’s getting tiring. And you think that she needs to fix her shit. You can’t listen to this all the time or just become a little bit more distant. She will get the hint. And then you basically stay in touch with her, but mostly focus on dating other women. Fix yourself. Fix your insecurities. Because I think you have some insecurities because you’re not confident enough to seduce a woman. That’s why you didn’t get her in the first place. And then you will find a woman who makes you so much more happy.
She just doesn’t appreciate you. She doesn’t see the great qualities that you have because that’s not what women go for in the beginning. So you kind of already lost your opportunity there. Maybe in the future, if you become more confident, when you just give no fucks, if you reconnect with her in a year from now, or in two years from now, when she broke up with this guy and she wants to talk to you again, you are more aggressive, you’re more sexual. You give a little bit of some crass jokes that she wouldn’t have heard from you in the past. You go out of your way to try to seduce her and show her that you really want her. Not just a simple date where you don’t kiss her and you go on three dates and nothing happens. No, no, no, no, no. Even before you go on the date, you’re already talking to her in a way that shows her that you’re kind of flirting with her. You kind of want her. This kind of stuff. But for that to happen, you’ve got to wait. Let her do her own thing. Stop wasting your time and your focus, your energy, everything, your emotions on this woman. Start dating around, meet some other women. Maybe it won’t work out with these other women. Maybe it will. But what will happen is you will hopefully work on your confidence. You will become a little bit more outspoken with women and not give too many fucks. You will become a little bit more like a dick like this guy.
Obsessively Dating An Abused Woman: Stay Away From These Type Of Women
But on top of that, you won’t treat a woman like shit. So you will confidently seduce her. When she says something that you disagree with, you will be confident enough to tell her. “No, no, no. That’s not how I see it.” You will tell her exactly how you see things and what you want from life and what you want from her. That’s attractive. Plus, you will treat her great when you are in the relationship. Plus, the sex will be fucking amazing. You will ravage her in a good way, of course, and she’s going to appreciate that. So that’s my advice for you. Stop simping. Stop focusing on this woman. This is a lost cause. At least for now, work on your confidence, become more attractive to women. Then you will become more attractive to her. Stop being her best friend. And if she wants to vent, let her vent to her best friends and they will also tell her to break up with this guy. At some point, most likely she will. But like I said, for that to happen, she actually needs to feel the consequence of “Man, I’m dating a total dick and I don’t have someone else like my best boy friend that I can go to, to solve all my problems.” So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up. Subscribe to the channel. And never forget to unleash the king within.