Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video we’re gonna talk about what you do if your girlfriend needs some attention if you maybe pissed her off, and ultimately, this video is about realizing that she needs some attention. So sometimes, when you screw up with a woman, you do something, you make a mistake, you hurt her feelings, or you break one of your promises… Something like this. Then you try to apologize for it and you thought “Well, I apologized, so what else can I do?” with the apology that doesn’t really do anything, and she just gets more mad and she pulls back more and you’re not really sure “What the hell do I do now? She’s not reciprocating with my apology!“… Well, sometimes, a woman needs more than an apology, or the way how you apologize matters.
So in today’s video, I have a situation from a guy who screwed up a little bit, or maybe it wasn’t really his fault. He couldn’t really do anything about it, but the bottom line is his girlfriend essentially feels neglected, not happy, and he tried to apologize… It didn’t work, or at least it doesn’t have the effect he wants and she’s really pulling back and she’s becoming a little bit distant. So he’s a little bit scared and he doesn’t know what to do. Let’s see what is my advice. So let’s get into his message.
I Upset My Girlfriend: My Girlfriend Is Mad Because I Cancelled Plans And Now She’s Cold With Me
Hello coach, I need your wisdom about my girlfriend who has been very demure and mad with me in the last one and a half weeks, and I don’t really know how to handle the whole situation. I know why she’s mad at me… So the second last weekend, my girlfriend and I had something planned we were meant to have a double date with some friends to go shoot some arrows and then just hanging out with them.
My girlfriend is very passionate about archery, it’s her biggest hobby. It’s actually how we met. Back then, we had our first date and I asked her to teach me archery since she mentioned it in her Tinder bio. So anyway, what happened was that something came up with work, which I didn’t expect, and so I had to tell her that I couldn’t make it. Of course, she wasn’t happy about it. She was pretty disappointed, and she went to meet our friends without me.
So clearly, it is most likely the activity that makes her happiest. This is how she got to know you. This is how she basically fell in love with you, right? So she’s very passionate about archery and you know, she cares about it, and she’s very happy when you go and shoot some arrows with her, and even if maybe you’re not into this, or maybe it’s not your major passion, she loves to spend time with you and this might be the key with the situation that it is about: The time spent with you. Obviously, if you in a way flake on her, or cancel on her, even if it wasn’t your fault, that will really upset her and you have to figure out for yourself: “How can I make up for this? What can I do to fix this?” And so let’s see what he says, what he tried to do to fix it.
I Apologized But She Won’t Talk To Me: What Do Do When You Upset Your Girlfriend And She’s Still Mad
I get why she is mad. Archery means a lot to her and she always enjoys it when I go with her. It’s not really something I’m super excited about. To her it’s a sport. For me, it’s more that I like it because it’s a fun activity and she’s really happy whenever I join her. My problem is that I apologized to her for not being able to be there, but she’s been way less affectionate than usual, and it’s almost as if she’s trying to avoid affection from me on purpose. I am really surprised because I get why she was mad, but it was over a week ago and I apologized, and instead of her forgiving me and not being angry, it’s actually the reverse! The more time passed since the missed date, the more she’s been pulling away from me. She sometimes turns away from me when we sleep at night. What do I do now? I mean I already said sorry, but that didn’t make it better… so… Yeah, any advice would be helpful.
Well, what is clear from your message is that even though you apologized and I’m sure you’re sorry for it, and of course, it probably wasn’t your mistake, your fault for having to work on the weekend… She wasn’t happy with it. That is the bottom line. And what’s going on here is definitely the apology is not enough for her, and before I get into why it might not be enough, I actually want to share something that I talked about with a friend from Indonesia yesterday. She’s Indonesian and she told me about this German guy who she’s into and he works for a big company, basically, and he couldn’t make time for her, and she said she’s not sure if she should give it a try, and I told her don’t give it a try, because this guy works for Tesla, and he probably has no boundaries with work. He’s already making excuses to not spend time with you, so this is going to be difficult for you if you’re not even a couple yet and you’re already seeing these problems.
The reason why I’m bringing this up is because this is going to be a problem for you as well in the future. You need to have some clear boundaries with work. Maybe it happens sometimes that you have to work on the weekends, or late at night, but if this happens very often, your girlfriend is not going to be happy about this. She wants you to be a leader. She wants you to be strong. And I gotta be honest with you, if you’re being pushed around by your boss to say “Hey, I need you to work on the weekend,” that means you’re not strong. It means that your boss can do whatever he wants. I’m not saying that you should just quit right away, but you should figure out is there a better way how to go about this? Such as saying “Hey, sorry boss, I can’t work right now“… You see this very often in the news that some people just have shitty bosses and they just can’t make it… They say “Sorry, I have to do something with my kid,” or whatever… Boundaries are important, and she’s gonna be unhappier in the future if this repeats. Now let’s get to the apology and what didn’t work.
I Neglected My Girlfriend: How To Make My Girlfriend Feel Special After I Didn’t Make Time For Her?
So, you said “Hey babe, I’m sorry. I didn’t know that this was gonna happen” and maybe you said “I’m sorry. this is never gonna happen again.” or something like that. The bottom line is you used your words, but what you told me in the beginning is, she really appreciates the archery, right? She appreciates the activity. So she appreciates your company, and this might be the love language of quality time. So spending time with you is important to her, and if you now apologize and say “Sorry, this is never going to happen again,” maybe this is not enough for her. She needs to see some actual action and see that you care about her. So for example, if she really cares about quality time, spending time with you, then maybe instead of trying to say hey I’m sorry, and maybe you’re giving her some kisses here and there, and hugging her, she doesn’t care about this…
The only thing that she actually cares about is spending time with you, because that shows to her that you actually care about her… Then you need to basically surprise her with some quality time. So that could be, of course, the archery thing, but maybe this is a little bit too direct. She might not like this because she might just be reminded of well, you screwed it up… But maybe you could set up another dinner, or you could have a massage for her, massage her. You could do something that shows her you thought of her and you want to make up for this, right? You have to break through her defenses. And so clearly, the apology, the verbal apology didn’t solve it. Just saying I’m sorry did not solve it. She probably wants to see some action from you and that actually means not just giving her some hugs, because she apparently doesn’t care about this. You said that she turns away from you at night, so physical affection is not the way to go right now.
So think about how can you spend some quality time with her, even if something simple such as waking up earlier in the morning and to make sure that you cook some really great breakfast for her. Something like that. There are all kinds of ways of how you could show her “I’m sorry that I screwed up about this,” but obviously, don’t say it, but rather make some time for her. That could be the archery thing, of course, but as I said, it could also be something else. What are some other activities that you appreciate? And of course, preferably, it should be an activity that she appreciates. So aside from archery, what else is she passionate about? What else is important to her?
So for example, let’s say your girlfriend, or you both like dogs as well, then maybe you could go and invite her to a cat cafe or a dog cafe. So if she likes pets, maybe she’s never done this and it would be a nice surprise. She doesn’t expect it and then she can bond with you, and she can have fun as well. And that’s how you break through her defenses. Now, of course, you can also try to talk to her, but I wouldn’t try to talk about the problem and apologizing more because that didn’t work. So instead, I think it’s about nudging her in the right direction. So maybe affection can work. Maybe more kisses, hugging her, and just trying to spend more time with her might work. It might also just be that she is trying to get your attention. So now she feels like you’re not paying attention to her. You’re not making time for her and she essentially got ditched on that date, and had to go alone, which is not nice.
So right now she feels like you’re not paying attention to her or you’re prioritizing work over her. So she probably wants to see that you’re willing to make some time and that you’re willing to also break through her defenses. So right now, if she’s really demure and mad, this is kind of a sign that she’s probably testing you. She’s trying to show you “I’m not happy about this. I want to see some effort from you. I want to see that you have renewed interest in me.” And I don’t know how long you’ve been together but she might feel that maybe the spark is missing, or you’re taking her for granted, and a woman always wants to know that she’s cherished. She wants to know that you still care about her.
And you have to make some small efforts here and there to renew that trust, basically, and obviously, you broke some trust when you couldn’t show up to the date. So now you have to re-establish that trust. So show her repeatedly that you’re willing to make an effort and don’t give up because a lot of guys, they just give up. They say “It’s not working, so what am I supposed to do? I can’t really do more! I can only apologize more!” but you’re basically hoping that maybe time will solve it… But time really won’t solve it. What will solve it is if you show her signs that you still care about her and when something like this happens, you’re willing to accept “I made a mistake here and now I gotta do three times the effort to show her hey sorry babe, I really love you” and show her with your actions…
So I suggest to you think about what are the things that you could do with her to surprise her and show her “Hey babe, look I still care about you, and I messed this up but let’s spend some good time together“… And don’t give up. Don’t let go. At some point she’s going to realize “He really does care about me and he made a mistake.. He really screwed this up. I was kind of mad at him for a while,” but eventually, she’s gonna figure out you’re making an effort and at some point, she’s probably also not going to be so upset anymore in the bedroom. No longer turning away. Then you have some good sex, and then everything is fine again.
When A Girlfriend Is Mad: When Your Girlfriend Wants Attention But She Wants You To Fight For Her
What do I do now? I mean, I already said sorry but that didn’t make it better. So yeah, any advice would be helpful. I am not worried that she is going to break up with me, but something’s bothering her, but I have no idea what to do about it. Thank you for your response. Stay kings, everyone.
That’s right, stay kings. All right, so what do I think about this? Obviously, I already told you what you should do and what to think about. I want to just quickly comment on the fact that you’re not afraid that she’s going to break up. I also don’t think that she’s going to break up right now, but obviously, if this keeps on happening more often, at some point, if this stacks on top of each other, if all of these negative emotions stack on top, at some point she might think about this. So right now you’re in a perfect spot where you can basically turn it around. Right now, she feels like she needs a small sign here that says “Am I actually appreciated? Does he really care about me? And is this gonna happen more often? Is he always gonna make time for work but not time for me?” and right now you can show her no, I’m going to fix this.
So the first thing that you should do is obviously think of some activities and think of ways of how you can show more appreciation to her. And I think it’s quality time that she cares about. And then the second thing you do is, obviously, sex will help as well a lot. And then you can probably also talk about this, but only talk about it when she’s happy again. So you try to get her into a good state again, into a good emotional state, and then you just say “Hey babe, can we talk about this? I’m sorry that I screwed this up a few weeks ago, and I can tell that everything is a little bit better between us now and I want to figure out how did you actually feel about this? And how can we do this better in the future? I know the best case would be if this would not never happen again, so let’s just talk about this. I want to know how you feel,” and then, basically, she will definitely know that you care for her.
So that is my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and now I don’t have my cup, so man, I still have an old book here… Okay, this was a mistake to not use the cup. Never forget to unleash the king within!