Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
What to do when you turn a woman off to the point where she is asking for space & eventually she blocks you? What if you turned an ex-girlfriend off, or your girlfriend, and she had enough of all your insecurity? Women are able to forgive you a lot of things. Women are much more relationship-driven than men. They hold on to relationships much longer but like everybody, we only hold on to relationships for a certain amount of time until it becomes too frustrating. A woman will invest in a man and think “I’m going to see if this is going to work out” if she heavily invested in you during a long-term relationship.
Your ex deeply cared about you & she wanted to make sure that the relationship worked out. But of course, at some point, she needed to let go if it wasn’t working out. So I have a situation here from a guy who got blocked by his girlfriend. He became very needy, very obsessive, he was begging and pleading and you can see how his over-investment in this relationship is causing her to get turned off. And eventually, she wants nothing to do with him. So let’s get into the situation of his girlfriend losing interest.
Insecurities and Needy Behavior: How Your Behavior Pushes Your Girlfriend Away
Before I describe the story, let me be clear on one thing: For your information, the root of all of my issues was my insecurity, my needy and possessive behavior with my ex, and my ex is also a liar. She lied to me multiple times in the relationship. I want to understand how much damage I did in my relationship and whether it is salvageable or not.
Why would you want to salvage something with a woman who is lying? Well, as I’ll go through your message, there won’t be a single mention of this woman actually being a liar. I don’t know why you’re saying she’s a liar because there’s no evidence. So maybe you’re bullshitting yourself. Perhaps everything was due to your possessive and needy behavior, as well as your insecurity — that’s what turned her off. Maybe she wasn’t completely honest with you. She said she needs space or she wants a break. She’s probably giving you false hope, that could be considered being a liar. But ultimately, as we go through your message we’re gonna see everything is about your behavior. Never run away from the impact of your actions on the relationship. Take accountability.
I was in a five-month relationship, a short-term relationship, also long-distance as well, but my girlfriend and I both used to have the same type of thoughts and thinking, so we got comfortable with each other quickly. Within three months of our friendship we got into a relationship for five months but as soon as we came into the relationship I have been having some sort of insecurity that she is better than me.
Everything was fine until you started dating. So until then you weren’t insecure. Nothing was wrong. If you suddenly became insecure, it must be because you are putting this woman on a pedestal. As soon as you started to date her, as soon as you were an official couple, all of a sudden you can no longer manage your own self-control. You started to doubt yourself. Why? You probably overvalue her. And perhaps also undervalue yourself. There’s no reason to become insecure with your girlfriend unless you believe there’s something wrong with you compared to other men. Why? Did you wonder if she would find a better man? This is about your mindset. Until you got into your own head, she was really into you. You had a great connection and you were talking all the time during your friendship.
What Makes A Girlfriend Pull Away: Validation-Seeking Beta Male Behavior
So to keep her with me I started becoming a nice guy, got over available for her and earlier I used to be a funny and flirty guy but now I started seeking validation from her because she started giving me less attention and validation as she used to give me when we were friends.
That had nothing to do with her all of a sudden being in a relationship with you. When you are brand-new in a relationship, a woman wants to spend every moment with her confident boyfriend. Now she gives you less attention because she’s thinking “I nailed him down so now I don’t need to give him that much attention.” It’s typically men who do that once they get into a woman’s pants. They’re like “I scored some points, now I just got to maintain what’s going on.” No, she was losing attraction and giving less attention because you became a nice guy who was always chasing her. That’s not sexy. You need to give your girlfriend attention, but you also need to be confident enough to divert it away to your own needs. A woman wants to be able to trust a man that he can take care of her when she needs him, but at the same time, he doesn’t need her. Once she discovers her trust, she will discover her lust.
If you give her all that validation, she’s not going to feel that she can feel safe around you. Also, keep in mind that it is a long-distance relationship, so there’s a state of not being together. She should naturally want to reach out to you but it’s always you who’s giving her the attention. It should be the other way around for the most part because women are about relationships. A woman naturally wants to connect with her boyfriend when she feels safe with him.
When She Feels Smothered: The Importance Of Giving Your Girlfriend Space
One day she ghosted me all of a sudden when she found me possessive and insecure. So she tested me by ignoring me for three days and I chased her, which she found scary, which reminded her of her friend’s relationship where they used to behave in the same manner with each other.
It’s not a test if she ghosts you for three days because you’re very possessive. She’s just having enough of you at that point and she wants her peace and quiet. She’s not trying to figure out “Are you too possessive and needy? And are you not giving me enough space? And am I going to feel smothered by this guy?” She’s already come to that conclusion. She’s feeling smothered by you. You have to back down and stop doing what hasn’t been working all along. Pull back and stop being possessive. Don’t be delusional.
Also, as per her, we were going too fast and she was feeling suffocated and burdened and so she told me she is not ready for a relationship. She needs to think once again before giving any commitment.
When I read this line that she felt burdened, I wondered “Didn’t I already make a video about this?!”… So I started searching through my messages from previous guys and there was a guy who had a similar situation where the woman said the exact same thing: She felt burdened. This shows you that it’s always the same pattern with needy behavior. A woman is going to leave if you put a burden on her, if she can’t feel free, make her feel suffocated, and don’t give her the space for her own autonomy. If she feels pressured, she’s feeling trapped and she wants to get away from the situation.
There are a lot of guys who would give her a lot more freedom. I bet there are guys who are hitting on her and many of them aren’t needy & possessive at all. They keep their cool. They know what they’re doing. They’re not insecure. They’re not scared that if it doesn’t work out then their life is over. They probably got things going on in their lives. If you’re putting that much pressure on her, she’s gonna run away from you. I don’t think that she’s not ready for a relationship — she’s not ready for a relationship with you. She’s breaking it off with you because she’s considering whether there are other guys who can make her happy. It all revolves around your needy behavior. Fix that insecure behavior, and she might return.
The Push Pull Dilemma: The More You Push, The More She Pulls Away
I got a little bit nervous and insecure that she left me and would move on, so I started to give her more and more attention and validation that I was the right guy for her but now she is feeling bored because I’m getting emotionally instead of being funny and flirty. So she started avoiding me because I made her feel burdened. Finally, one day we were getting into an argument where I was busy with some work she called me twice and I ignored her. So she got angry with me.
You can’t convince a woman that you’re the right guy for her with your words. She has to see it with your actions and your behavior. Clearly, your behavior didn’t work. But when you are giving her space, she calls you all of a sudden. Now she’s chasing you. Sure, she is still easily irritated, but fundamentally it made her pull closer to you. She’s interested again but here’s where the problem happens.
The next day I asked her ‘Why are you angry? I’m giving you the time you need for yourself.’ and she said ‘I’m not feeling free. I felt suffocating. I want a relationship or friendship without a burden.’ So I told her why I put all the effort every time if something went wrong. I need to say sorry always. This is not fair and I don’t value myself so little. So the next day we had a word. She said sorry to me and I apologized to her as well. And I asked her whether she is ready for a relationship.
And again, you’re trying to nail her down when you barely made progress. It was kind of working. You pulled back. She came back to you. She was a bit mad that you didn’t reply to her but she’s starting to get attracted to you again. Then you expressed “This is what you’re doing that’s not making me happy.” You’re actually asserting your needs. That is direct, self-respecting, and sexy. So she says she’s sorry. She’s apologizing and until this point, everything would have been fine! At this point, she would have thought “He can stand up for himself! He’s not as much of a beta male as I thought he is!”, but then you immediately applied pressure again by asking her “Are you ready for the relationship?” So you’re undoing all of your progress with one sentence.
When She Blames Everything On You: Accepting The Reality of the Breakup
She said I don’t want to hear burdening words again. So she asked for space. I told her ‘okay take your time’ but I failed to give her the space and she was aware that I wouldn’t be able to give her space and I would get impatient and chase her and she broke up with me by blaming everything on me.
I don’t think that she is consciously aware that you’re not able to give her space. When a girlfriend says she needs space she’s not always operating in the same way as a man would do so. You almost make it sound like she is telling you “give me some space” to test you because she thinks that you’re not gonna be able to give her the space. She isn’t trying to play 4D chess with you. She’s not thinking “I’m going to make this move, then I’m going to say I need some space. And let me see what he’s going do.”…
No, she’s not doing that because she’s trying to manipulate you or play some games. Women are intuitive and emotional. If they feel uneasy with a man, they don’t need a rational explanation to leave him. She’s not attracted to you and she’s trying to escape from the situation. She’s not a rational thinker like you are. She’s turned off and she’s pulling away — that’s all there is to it. Accept that your behavior is causing this and accept that she lost interest. She’s not playing games to evaluate you.
She said I’m a desperate and crazy guy and she doesn’t like this controlling behavior. I started begging and pleading, which further turned her off. Eventually, she told me she loves me but she doesn’t want any relationship.
So she was invested in the relationship despite your obvious flaws. She’s telling you she loves you but she just doesn’t want to be with you — you’re too much of a burden to her. There could be a chance that she’s just telling you what you want to hear, but I think she does mean it when saying that she cared about you. You spent a lot of time together. It’s been three months of being close friends and five months in a relationship. So she is invested in you. She loves you but she can’t be with you because all of your insecure behavior is making her uncomfortable and it’s pushing her away.
When A Girlfriend Needs Space, Desperately: Stop Texting Her All The Time
But she used to talk to me on calls and text messages when we were friends again for a short period of just one week, and then she was not interested. Then she went on a trip with her friends for mood refreshment and when she came back she asked me right away for three weeks of space, which she was aware that I wouldn’t be able to give her and it went exactly as what she was expecting from me.
If you are in a long-distance relationship and she can’t have space from you when she’s on her trip, then something doesn’t add up if right after the trip she’s saying “Hey, I need three weeks space” She should already have space and distance from you at this point, but for some reason, you’re still all over her, even over the long distance! How is that even possible?? You must be in her inbox all the time, sending messages one, two, three times! You’re probably not waiting. Give your girlfriend space! Giving a girl space means to give her space AND time! Actually, I think you sent me four emails. You sent me an email about this asking:
Hey can you make a video about this and I said yeah I can make one and after like a few days you’re sending me a follow-up email. So you’re way too over-invested in this situation and you’re probably stalking and just messaging all the time. I’m sure if I would not have replied or if I wouldn’t be making this video right now I will probably receive emails from you like once a week about “Hey, when is my video coming out?”
You don’t have patience. That is your problem.
I failed to give her space and time and I chased her where she got to the point that she blocked me and broke up with me, even though I tried to convince her via my friends to get back together, but it backfired. She even caught me finding her address details and details from some external sources that further turned her off and she blocked me everywhere and then she never came back and she is now happy with her life.
It shows how much you are over-invested in this situation. It was a long-distance relationship and you don’t even know where this woman lives. I have not been in the Philippines for two years now because of COVID. I can’t go back & I hope I can get back in the next three to six months. Anyway, I have this friend in the Philippines, and we’ve been thinking of opening a business together. I met her as a business partner, so I’ve never really met her in person and I know where this girl lives! She’s not even that close to me. She’s a coach like me. A business coach.
I barely invested in this friend of mine on a personal level. Yet you’ve been with this woman for five months, long-distance, of course, but you are much more invested in your girlfriend, and she should be more invested in you than I am invested in my friend. You are way too invested in this relationship given how little you know about her. There’s no reason why you should be so invested in this relationship because it wasn’t even that serious yet. It sounds to me as if you’ve never met this woman. That’s a red flag to me. You care way too much about her and she’s sitting on a pedestal.
Make Her Respect You Again: Give Her Real Space, Walk Away And Date Other Women
You probably should start dating other women because this woman can’t respect you. I’m assuming you’re very young. Probably in your 20s because you’re screwing up quite a bit. You probably lack dating experience with women and it would be good for you to get out there and start dating more women to gain some much-needed perspective.
She said I am an egoistic person. I am chasing her because of my ego and that is why she rejected me and that she’s also not interested in me at all. She even deleted all chats, contacts, and everything from her side and moved on. I’ve also been blocked by her. I tried to convince her a lot and messed up everything. We got into fights as well where she disrespected me and blamed me for everything.
Based on your behavior and what you’ve shown so far, I think her disrespect is because, well, she does not respect you. A woman will act unlovingly towards a man whom she doesn’t respect. I think she is quite annoyed at this point. She blocked you, so you were over-pursuing far too much and she probably already started considering dating someone else a long time ago. Maybe after three months when you were in a relationship, she already had a feeling that this relationship is not working out. She was hoping that you would change your behavior but you didn’t. She can’t respect you at this point. That’s why she is disrespectful. You’re not explaining what the things are that she did wrong, such as the lying and how exactly she disrespected you. But ultimately, the way a woman treats you is a reflection of how she feels about you.
If you made a lot of mistakes and it was mostly your fault, then she’s right in blaming you and I can’t identify anything that suggests that it’s her fault or that she made a lot of mistakes. So you need to pull back — for real. Which should be easy, given that right now she cut off all contact with you. I believe that you probably need to date another woman. Or date multiple women. Get to know other girls and she what that is like.
I think your odds of getting this woman back are quite low. It’s been long-distance, only five months, you screwed up like crazy. At this point, she has no shred of respect left for you and she just doesn’t believe that you’re going to improve your behavior and that you’re gonna get your act together. As I said: “A woman who trusts discovers her lust.” Right now she has zero trust that you will become more secure and less needy. She knows she holds all the power in your dating dynamic, and as I often say: “If she can deceive she will leave”
She knows she could wrap you around her finger. She could say one word and get back together with you if she wanted to. It’s not sexy. She wants to be with a man who challenges her. Someone who has his life in order, is confident, has many things going on that he’s busy with, and is desired by many women. Your ex wants a man who won’t just jump at the thought of getting back with her. When your girlfriend dumps you because of that, you need to be abundant with your dating mentality. So walk away from her, make her spect you again, and in the best case, date around and work on your confidence. That’s the only way how you can re-attract her.
You did it right for one moment when you said “Hey, I don’t like how you’re treating me. You’re always blaming everything on me.” You had a short moment of assertiveness. For a brief moment, you were acting a bit like an alpha. And that’s when she liked it. And this is who you have to become. But your assertive alpha male behavior has to come from a place of emotional self-control, not frustration. You have to unleash the king within because otherwise, women can’t respect you. It’s about showing a woman that you are strong, confident, and that she can put her trust in you. And right now she can’t put that trust in you. So you need to stop being obsessed with her and start being obsessed with yourself. I know that is easier said than done, but when your girlfriend breaks up with you, it’s the only choice.
You have to focus on yourself. Get back on track with your life. I think you’re spending way too much time thinking about her and you’re not thinking “What about my life?! What about my career?! What about my friends?! What about my hobbies?! What about my passions?! What about my fitness?!”
As I mentioned, I’m currently stuck in Germany but I saw the news today that finally, the Philippines is considering opening back up for tourists. So very soon I can get back and the first impulse that I had was “Finally! Now I can do the things that I wanted to do for so long!” I’m excited! I can go back to the beach! I can surf! I can open a men’s group on the beach! I can do events in the Philippines! I can help more men!
There are so many things I’m looking forward to for myself! What is it that you are looking forward to for yourself? What is it that you want? Stop focusing on what you want from her because she’s not giving it to you and start focusing on what you can do for yourself.