Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about women who ghosts, or just in general, also women who are flaky women, who pull back. Women who go hot and cold. Women who lose interest, and then they come back at some point. Basically, how do you deal with that? But primarily, this video is about ghosting, because the guy in this video, his situation is about ghosting. How do you deal with this? And one thing that I would recommend to you is to not just roll out the red carpet. So a lot of guys, when they hear back from a girl, they are super excited. They invite her into their world. And it’s fine, of course. When she lost interest you wanna invite her back into your world, but you don’t just have to roll out the red carpet. What I mean by that is you don’t have to treat her like a princess. She’s not perfect. She’s the one who basically disrespected you. So you gotta take it slowly. So anyway, with that said, let’s see what is my advice for the guy in this video.
Ghosting And Coming Back: She Was Into Me Now She’s Not — When You Don’t Escalate
Hi coach, I watched a lot of your videos about girls flaking, pulling back, etc and I thought that I kind of had success with a girl who ghosted me a few months back, but she seems to have lost interest in me again. Maybe you can give me your two cents on the situation. So I met a girl on Bumble and we have been casually dating for a few months. At first, just chatting, and lots of playful flirting, and meeting up one time on a casual lunch date.
Not a good way to go. Don’t meet up with girls on casual lunch dates. If you’re already playfully flirting, if you’re already making some sexual innuendo, for example, then why would you invite her out for something that’s just a lunch date. If it can’t be helped, if she suggested it, then fine and you go on a casual lunch date. But even then you could tell her if she says “Hey, you want to meet me at the coffee shop?” then you can say “Hey, sorry, I can’t make it. Meet me tonight at whatever, restaurant xyz.” … It’s better if you do it at a restaurant dinner date or something like that. Maybe you can also have some wine because then it’s night, so you can take her to your place. You can stay over at your place and you can have some fun. So that’s already a big problem. You were kind of incongruent with how you approached this. You were flirting, but then you take her to a place where you can’t flirt that much. Of course, I know you can flirt at the lunch coffee whatever date. I’m not stupid. That is for sure possible. But it’s just much better if you do it at night.
Slow Fade In Dating: When She Goes Cold And When A Woman Ghosts You
But after about two months of talking she became really distant and did hardly reply to me and at some point, she just ghosted me, basically.
Well, because you’ve been dating or you’ve been talking for two months. So of course, she would ghost you because if after two months you haven’t been able to talk to her yet… It’s just really boring. Why would she deal with that if she can just have some other guy who is not just talking with her, who’s not just going on lunch dates, he takes her to some exciting things. For example, I’m just recalling a date that I had many, many years ago with a pretty crazy woman, and basically, we went out for a weekend trip to like some beach. Basically a nice beach with a cove there. And there was like tents there… You could basically do camping in the woods, and yeah, we had sex in there. I don’t know. We didn’t have sex, but she gave me a blowjob, basically. So I was pretty shy back then, but she gave me a blowjob and it was an exciting date, basically, that’s what I’m trying to point out here. We didn’t just go on a lunch date. We went out on a freaking beautiful place in the Philippines, basically, and I had a pretty good time there. So you gotta make it exciting for her. And if you’re just talking all the time, that’s boring.
What To Do When She Ghosts You: Keep On Dating When A Woman Pulls Away Or When She Ghosted You
So she got turned off, okay, I just accepted that and continued dating other girls. But then three months later she started messaging me again. So I guess she started to gain attraction for me again because I didn’t chase and let her come to me. I thought to myself hell yeah, jackpot! It worked! And everything seemed like it was back to normal. No awkwardness. She even apologized to me for not messaging me. She said that she was very busy back then. I am sure that’s not true but anyway, I told her ‘Yeah, it’s okay, don’t worry. I hope you took care of your stuff. I hope you got your stuff done.’ … We were chatting normal again and after a few days, I asked her if she’s free on the weekend. I figured since she seemed to be into me again, I wanted to capitalize on that and we went on a date two days later. And for a while, everything was fine again.
You’re not saying any sex happened. So you’re not seducing her. So of course, it’s basically the same thing again. You’re repeating the same pattern from the first time that it didn’t work. You went on a date and then nothing happened. You’re not mentioning that anything happened. And you even say everything was fine. So shy didn’t you seduce her? Of course, she’s gonna get turned off if you don’t seduce her after a while.
Our mix of who messages who first was roughly 50:50. Sometimes I’d message her. Sometimes she would message me. But now she is starting to lose interest again. I can already tell that she is starting to respond less than she did before.
Well, it’s because you’re treating her too nicely. It’s what I just said earlier at the beginning. Don’t roll out the red carpet for this woman. If you’re messaging 50:50, so it’s completely even, there’s a discrepancy here, because she’s the one who has been ghosting you. She should be chasing you more. At the very least, she should be messaging you 60% of the time. and you do 40%. But in a case like this, I would even say she should message me at least 65% of the time. And you only initiate 35% of the time. Because she needs to earn your respect. She needs to earn your affection. She needs to earn your kindness. Your generosity. Your warmth. Your protective and nurturing qualities.
All of these things are not a given. She just can’t have these things anytime she wants. If she wants to ghost or lose interest, fine, but then she also needs to work for it again when she comes back. And if you’re not making her work by always messaging 50:50, there’s no excitement there. Also, she knows that she can basically just leave again because you’re totally into her and you’re messaging her all over again. Plus, you’re not seducing her. So she’s just gonna run away again because you are basically doing the same thing that caused her to lose attraction in the first place. And on top of that, you’re also basically not holding her accountable by expecting a little bit more action from her.
She Came Back: She Only Gets One More Chance When She Comes Back After Ghosting
I can totally feel it that she’s in ghosting territory again. And I don’t know why. I mean why would she get in touch with me again if she just starts going cold again after just a few weeks? It makes no sense. She might as well have messaged some other guy who she’s totally into. It seems she’s not into me and I don’t know. It’s just very hassle to maintain the attraction balance between the two of us. I think I should pull back again but I have a feeling that’s the last time that I can really make this work.
Well, yes, you should pull back again. But you should probably give up on the situation because if she’s ghosting again, that’s a red flag. She’s basically ghosting or losing attraction twice. After two times losing attraction, this is just a waste of time. And why did she message you? Because you said you don’t understand why wouldn’t she message some other guy? Where she was probably messaging other guys. These guys turned her on at least initially, but then for whatever reason, she got really turned off. So then she remembered you even though you turned her off. Or you didn’t make all the right moves. So she probably got bored and that’s why she turned to some other guy, who most likely took more action, but then as that didn’t work out, she comes back to you, because she already tried the other guys that she was into and they didn’t work out. So now she’s back but now she’s ghosting again. Don’t chase her. And I wouldn’t pull back just for the sake of trying to use it as a manipulation technique, or like a like a strategy to basically make sure that she comes back. You should just pull back because this woman is not interested in you.
If she comes back at some point in the future and you can then set up a date, and you seduce her, and you fuck her, and then if you fuck her, if you have sex, and she really likes it, and she comes, she meets up with you more often, then you can make it work. But under no other circumstance would I make this work. Don’t just roll out the red carpet. She needs to earn this. She needs to earn your affection. Because there are a lot of women who are not like that, who will just say “Hey, you want to come over?” I literally just had some voice messages with a friend on WhatsApp and he was telling me about this girl who asked him that she asked if she can come over for an hour. And he knew that she wants to fuck. And he actually doesn’t want to because he has to work. I know that sounds crazy to some people but yeah, if you have game, then you basically are not desperate, and sometimes you would rather focus on work than hot chicks. And that’s how you gotta treat women.
Because when you treat them like this where you don’t have to fuck them all the time, and you don’t need their attention, their affection all the time, then you have options and you can actually consciously say “Nah, sorry, I don’t want to date you right now. Or I’m sorry, I’m busy. I can’t make time for it right now,” and that’s actually what attracts them to you. But if you treat them like royalty, then it’s not going to work. Now, the ironic part is, of course, I always talk about you are kings and you should find a queen, but the thing is that a queen always sits on the throne with the king on the same eye level, or maybe below. Some women just want to be submissive. Some don’t. Whatever works for you. Whatever works for her. But you’re both kings and queens. And you treat each other equally. You treat each other equally nice. You appreciate each other equally.
But if she’s not doing that, then she’s not a queen, at least not in my image. She’s not the kind of queen that you should be dating. You deserve a queen who wants to be with you every time of the day, all the time, and she will send you messages like that, like my friend just received. “Hey, can I come over for an hour? What are you doing tonight?” … Something like that. And she’s totally not doing that. Quite the opposite. I am sure if you would say “Hey, what are you doing tonight? Can I come over?” or something like that… Well, you wouldn’t say “can I come over,” because it’s needy and that’s approval-seeking behavior, but if you would message her and you would say “hey, let’s meet up,” guess what? She would probably turn you down. So why would you want to be with woman like that?
When She Is Playing You: Find Another Woman When She Is Losing Interest Again
So I’m not sure what you think about it. I don’t think it’s about our dates. Our dates are fun, playful, and she even touches me when we are together. But after some time of texting, she seems to get bored. I don’t want to push because I already pushed too much the last time before she ghosted me. So do you think if I just pull away now, it might improve the situation? What’s your opinion on all of it? I mean she ghosted me in the first place, but then she came back. There’s got to be a reason why she came back, right? Something about me piqued her interest in me, but there’s also some reason why she won’t really come closer, either. So that’s really confusing. What do you think?
Well, if I listen to what you say here, you say it very clearly that she actually touches you on the dates. So that is like an invitation. If she touches you on some level, that basically means “I want you to fuck me“… Now, I’m not saying… Some feminist will now probably say oh my God, he’s a rapist, but what I’m just saying with that is if she touches you, that clearly means that she likes you. Now, that doesn’t mean that she wants to have sex on the spot, or if you would try to go for it then she would say yes, but she’s opening up to the idea of having sex with you. But you are doing nothing. She’s touching you. Showing you: “Hey, I want you,” I don’t know where she touches you. Maybe she touches your leg, for example. Maybe she touches you close to your dick, for example, which would be quite a turn on. And if she touches you there, for example, and you wouldn’t take the hint, she’d just think probably “What the fuck, man?? What is wrong with this guy? How could I make it any more clear to this guy?” And sometimes women try to make it quite clear and guys just don’t get the hint.
Now, I think you did definitely made some mistakes here, but I think at this point, it’s probably a hopeless case. Yes, pull back. If she comes back at some point, then you invite her out on a date, and then you just gotta fuck her really fast. Do an exciting date. Take her out for dinner. Take her to an unlimited wine place. Take her out to a bar. Maybe some pool for fun. You can do a drinking game, like for example, every time that one of you wins, the other person has to drink a bottle of beer, or something like that. Get her a little bit tipsy, you have some fun, banter, the flirting that you’ve already been doing, then you take her to your place, and then you have sex. It’s as easy as that. But you’re making it so complicated. Stop making it so complicated. But overall, don’t roll out the red carpet because she’s been ghosting you, or basically been pulling back twice.
So at the maximum, maybe she gets one more chance. But you don’t chase her and don’t over-message her so much. Because that’s never gonna work out, because she’s clearly not into you already. So you’re just gonna drive her to some other guy. She’s probably now going to try out some other guys again. That sounds so bad, but that’s the reality, and if they don’t work out, then she might come back again. But I think you should also just try to date some other women because there’s a high chance that she won’t come back. And you just messed us up, honestly, of course, you didn’t do like huge problems. You didn’t say something weak, or needy, or insecure. I think you just probably bored her and that’s your mistake. It wasn’t a huge mistake. It’s just something that you gotta learn that you have to be a little bit more proactive with women. You have to be a bit more aggressive. That’s actually very attractive to women. Not aggressive in the sense of being rough or something like that. Uncomfortable rough and aggressive. No, just showing her clearly what you want.
And I don’t think that she saw at all what you wanted from her. And that’s why she pulled back again, it’s why she’s ghosting now. So that’s my advice for you. Be more aggressive. Be a bit more proactive. Show her that you want her. That’s all you gotta do. That’s all what it takes to show a woman that you are a king. If she’s a queen, she wants that, and then she will go fucking crazy for you. So that’s my advice for you. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.