Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about the fact that you just gotta live your life if you want to attract amazing women. So I have a situation from a guy, he’s relatively young and I think he’s about 24, if I remember it correctly. And let’s just say he is unique or special. I don’t know the demographics of the US properly, but he is Republican. He’s conservative. He’s kind of old school, I guess you could say. And so that’s not going to fly with every woman, of course, but that’s not the point. The point is you gotta just be yourself, because when you are authentically yourself, and you know what your values are, even if these values might not be mainstream…
So for example, conservatism, certainly, well, it is at least being painted as not being mainstream in the US. I think it’s actually more mainstream than you would think, but overall, a lot of people might not identify with conservative values. Not everybody does. At least in modern times. But there are also a lot of women who identify exactly with that. So there’s nothing wrong with that. So the point of this video is just to highlight the situation of this guy. He’s looking for some advice and I just also want to highlight that actually, he got his shit figured out in the sense of him knowing what is his identity. What is important to him. So even though he hasn’t found his dream woman yet, or he’s still in the process, I think he’s not going to have any problems to find his dream woman. And actually, eventually, marry her, because he knows exactly who he is and what he wants. And that is attractive to a woman. Especially to the woman who has the same kind of core values. So let’s see what is my advice for his situation.
Hi coach, I’m here to get your advice on a really amazing girl that I would like to date. I don’t really know her well and I don’t know how I can make a move on her, or how I can get her to go out with me. Just for the record, I’m not too experienced with dating. I’m kinda shy, actually. I’m 26, I’d only had one girlfriend before and nothing for too long. I’m an outlier with my personality. I am a relatively conservative type of guy because I’m religious. I vote republican. So I’m a bit of old school with my values and don’t date around a lot.
There’s nothing wrong with that. There are actually a lot of women who think that way. Not every woman on the planet is on Tinder, and Bumble, and dating apps, and has a lot of sex. I met a great woman a few years ago right before COVID happened. Unfortunately, the relationship didn’t last because we basically started off long-distance right away because I got stuck in Germany, and anyway, I met her and she was very conservative. And I didn’t even think that she was very conservative at first, or maybe she wasn’t conservative, but she was very… She wasn’t the typical woman who goes on Tinder. And when I met her, we had perfect vibes. Everything was perfect. It was just that the timing was basically really poor. The circumstances were very poor. And there are a lot of women out there who are more conservative than you might think. As much as the media is trying to paint you that women are girlbosses, and they all want to be empowered, and they all want to work, and have their own careers, business, and all that stuff… That is true for some women, but a lot of women are also just more family-driven, family values, they want to have children, get married, and they like old-school values of having a family and being the one who takes care of the children, for example.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. And there are a lot of women who feel this way because it’s just natural to a woman. So just the fact because you’re Republican, that makes you old-school with your values, or you are out of the ordinary… I said this earlier. I think that I said it already. I don’t think that it is that out of the ordinary. The media tries to paint conservatism as something that is like outliers, like 5%, 10%, but if you look at real studies, instead of media bullshit, probably it’s 50% of all the people in the US, for example, but it’s probably the same thing in most countries. They think quite conservatively, actually. Maybe not as conservative as you but the bottom line is there are so many women out there who have similar values as you, and that’s why you should be proud of who you are as a man, because that’s exactly what attracts women to you. And look, let’s be real: If a woman has a choice between you, someone who has old school values, probably very family-oriented, versus a lot of guys who just fuck around a lot…
And even me… I’ve had a lot of sex, but I’m also very relationship-driven… These women that you’re into, they might not be into me, and that’s fine. And so more power to you! You’ve got so many options because of that. The right options! So there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just important to mention. I think this is just one of the most important messages that I want to just give with this channel that you can be whoever you want to be. If you want to fuck around a lot, that is fine. If you want to just have one woman in your entire life, that is fine as well. If you don’t want to have sex until you get married, that is fine as well. Who am I to judge? I am just here to help you have the best relationship possible and however, you get to that point doesn’t matter to me as long as you get to that point. That’s all that matters to me.
Anyway, recently, I met this really cute girl at a lunch meeting with some friends of mine who are part of a book club that I attend. We mostly read nonfiction self-help books, which is by the way how I found you because I was looking for books online. Some of my friends in that book club also are part of my local church community. I don’t know about her yet, but that’s roughly the vibe and feel that we all have. A very small wholesome group of people. We all feel like a little family.
So first of all, thanks for reading my book, of course, and maybe you can discuss it at the book club, of course, although maybe they’re conservative. Maybe they won’t like it. Who knows. Anyway, it sounds to me that you have exactly your tribe. You know exactly who you are. You know exactly what you want. You’re like a wholesome group of like a small family, basically, so these are the kind of people that you hang out with. So for anybody who’s watching this, he’s a really great example of just a man who is grounded in his purpose. His purpose is community. His purpose is church. His purpose is personal growth. His purpose is learning new things and looking at different perspectives. They read self-help books, for example. So he knows exactly who he wants to be. His identity is very clear. So any woman who, for example, is in a similar group like him like the wholesome church group, or the wholesome personal growth group, any woman that he meets there, she’s going to be into him. So that’s really great advice that you can take from him, or a great role model that he is for you. Basically, find your tribe. Find your passion. Your purpose. And that then helps you to attract the woman that you want to be with because the woman is going to gravitate around similar places.
Anyways, I met Zarya at lunch and she was sitting on the other side of the table. So we didn’t get to interact that much but we got introduced to each other and I immediately felt like there was a spark. When I saw her, there was just something about us when we talked and interacted with each other.
For sure, no doubt, because you are in the same social circle. So you already know that something connects you. So you’re already starting off the right way. And so that’s why you should not be worried. So the first thing that you should know is: Don’t be worried about this. You can definitely date this kind of woman. You can figure this out. If it already started so well, all you have to do is basically meet her one more time, and that’s where your question now comes in.
Now, the question is what I can do? I heard that she was interested in joining our book club but there’s no guarantee if she’s going to join. I really hope so though, because I was really into her, but then the question is… If she actually joins, how can I get closer? A book club isn’t exactly a good place to get to know each other and build a romantic bond. And also, what if she doesn’t go to the book club? Then what? Basically, I will maybe never see her again.
All right, so let’s first talk about the scenario what if she doesn’t go to the book club? It could be. Maybe you just met her at the lunch, right? It was lunch… And you’re never gonna run into her ever again. Well, you both have good chemistry, right? So you can always just ask your friends to invite her out for another lunch. So you don’t have to invite her out. Instead, you tell your friends “Hey bro, why don’t you invite your friend again to hang out with us again?” Maybe it’s not gonna be lunch. Maybe you’re gonna do something else because you already did lunch, but if it’s lunch, hey, then that’s fine as well. But it could be anything, like for example, you could go for lunch and then you could go to badminton, for example, and have a group activity. Something like that. The point is you can use your friends to meet her again and it’s going to be a good environment for her as well because she feels safe around this environment.
And then, of course, you then have to get her number so that you can then invite her out on a one-on-one date. A one-on-one date, that’s the important thing, because that’s where you really get to know her in-depth. Now, let’s say the other scenario: If she actually goes to the book club, because you think it’s not a good environment. It doesn’t facilitate anything for romantic relationships. But that’s not really true. You get to know her a little bit and you can also talk to her during the book club. And ultimately, the point is not the book club, or the lunch. If you would ask your friends to invite you to lunch, the point is actually just to meet up with her because then you can just ask her for her IG, or for her WhatsApp, or something like that. I don’t know what you guys fly with. The bottom line is you need to be able to facilitate more intimate communication, and actually, even at the book club, if you are hanging out at the book club, you talk about the book or maybe before the book club, or maybe you have some food there. Maybe there are some snacks. There you can have 10 minutes conversation with her to talk about some things that are important to her to figure out what kind of person she is to bond a little bit with her.
Yes, of course, friends dates are never meant to build a strong romantic relationship or a romantic bond, but it opens the door for something further, and perhaps you can also see that maybe she touches you a little bit to show you that she really likes you. You’d be surprised! Even conservative women will be very touchy when they like you. They will go into your space because ultimately, every woman is the same. Every woman wants a great guy who she feels comfortable around. When she can’t help herself, it’s in her nature, if she likes you she will symbolize that by touching you. And even a conservative woman will most likely do that. And when you see some signs like that and I think you already saw some signs because you said there was a spark, basically when you met, so I’m guessing you had really good eye contact, for example. So she’s going to give you signs that she likes you. And then you just ask for her number.
I really wish I could see her again to go out with her. She seemed extremely interesting and she had an absolutely gorgeous smile. It’s rare for me to meet girls like her who seem to be aligned with my rather conservative values. I’m not a wild party-goer and so on. I appreciate a more simple life and I’m looking for that one sweetheart woman who’s a keeper. I’m a one-woman man, and she seemed to fit the bill so far, and yeah, I know I don’t really know her, but there was just something when we saw each other and I think she felt the same. So what’s your take? What can I do now? Thanks so much.
Well, if you could really feel that there was a spark, then really it’s just that you gotta facilitate one more date, because there’s typically only two options how this can go, or how it can go when you meet a woman. Either you’re bullshit yourself and you’re completely wrong. There was no spark. It was only on your side. Or it was really the case. Now, because you’re a little bit inexperienced with dating, right, you said that you’ve only had one girlfriend and you don’t hook up or anything like that, there might be the case that you actually read her attraction wrong. So that’s why it’s actually so important to meet up one more time to get her number after that. And it’s important not to get her number by asking a friend. I don’t think that is the right way because maybe she doesn’t like it. Maybe she is not attracted to you and you’re just reading into this. But if you meet up with her one more time and then you try to get her number, you can tell if she gives you her number or her IG, or her TikTok, then you know that she’s really into you. She’s not gonna do that if she’s not into you.
In a best-case scenario, she will actually tell you that she doesn’t have TikTok. I had this message from a guy a few weeks ago and the girl said that she doesn’t use WhatsApp because it’s her work WhatsApp. Women can come up with really shit excuses just so they don’t have to talk to a guy. So if she wants to talk to you then she will give you her IG or her TikTok, or whatever. I think the one important thing that you need to recognize is that you are actually in control. I think the problem is that you feel that you can’t really influence anything here. Like what if I don’t ever see her again? What if she never comes to the book club? Okay, maybe she never comes to the book club, but if she doesn’t, then all you have to do is ask one of your friends to invite her out again. And she doesn’t need to know that this is supposed to be a date or you want to see her again. Ask your best friend, your bro, your best bro. Don’t ask the girls, basically who would probably tell her. And just ask your friend to facilitate that, and maybe one of your friends has a girlfriend there and the girl can then make sure that she shows up, that she actually wants to come, so that she feels comfortable for it, for example.
There are all kinds of ways how you could facilitate this. The only important thing is that it doesn’t feel like you are chasing her, because if she can tell that you’re chasing her, then of course, it feels like you are a little bit desperate or needy for her. And even though she really likes to hang out with you, for example, if you would add her on IG, for example, without her knowing, like you find her on IG, maybe you know her name… Her name is Zarya, right? So that’s an unusual name. So maybe you could theoretically find her name on Facebook, for example, you type in Zarya and then you type in the city that you live in, and then you find her real name, then you can probably find her on IG. But that would not fly with her if she’s not really into you. And even if she’s into you, she might find that kind of insecure and needy. So you gotta just facilitate for one more date through your friends. Then you ask her out. All right, so that’s my advice.
By the way, I just want to say that I appreciate your channel because too many dating coaches are a lot about only having sex and getting girls, but you strike a great balance. While my values don’t fully align with yours, I appreciate that you have a balanced view of relationships and help guys to have good long-term relationships, not just hookups. So I’ll keep on supporting your channel by watching your videos. Thank you.
Thanks for supporting the channel. Thank you also for buying the book, again, and you know, ultimately, I have to make one commentary here. Whether you want to hook up or not, and clearly you don’t want to… The reason why I do the channel the way that I do, it is because ultimately, we all want to be in long-term relationships and you can tell yourself… Some people want to tell themselves that this is bullshit… “I can be by myself. I want to be alone. I will go my own way. I don’t need relationships. I don’t need marriage. I don’t need to be with a woman for the rest of my life. I don’t even want to be with a woman for two years.” The truth is you can ignore social science as much as you want, but that’s just human needs. That’s human nature. We all need connections. There are actually a lot of studies about this, even for just simple things like Facebook, for example, or social media… Why do we use social media? Because we want to connect with people. And we also want to connect with people romantically. So I think it’s really great that you have conservative values. I would rather choose someone as a person…
I’m not a very conservative person. I’ve definitely become a little bit more conservative in the last years, but I would rather appreciate a person who is very conservative, rather than someone who is completely liberal or not conservative and has no relationship-driven values. So I think it’s really important that you are just proud of who you are, because I think a lot of guys they want to be those players, they want to be those aggressive guys, they want to be the alpha males who know how to hit on all of these women. And there’s nothing wrong with hitting on women, and hooking up, and having some options. There’s nothing wrong with that but the goal should be to have a great relationship. So that’s just some leftover commentary that I wanted to say here. Focus on relationships. Hook up so that you have relationships, or if you don’t like hooking up, then you have got no problem here. I just want to say to lead it towards relationships. Be a king and build a strong relationship & a strong bond because that is irreplaceable. All right, so that was my advice and my final message here to just put out. Let me know in the comments what you think. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.