Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In this video I want to talk about the no contact rule. It’s a common rule that most of you use if you want to reattract an ex, typically. And I want to talk a bit about some misconceptions and I want to look at the situation of a guy who basically screwed up royally with a woman. And I just want to give some advice.
So before we dive into his message, I want to talk about how do women actually process the no contact rule? Because there is a lot of misleading information on the internet and also on YouTube, which is: Do 30 days no contact and you’re going to get your ex back. Do 60 days no contact and you’re going to get your ex back. But we have to understand and have some realistic expectations what no contact actually does, or how women actually process breakups.
No Contact Rule Female Psychology: How Girls Deal With No Contact Differently Than Men
Men and women actually process breakups quite differently and that has been proven by studies. So how do men and women process their breakups differently? Well, a lot of you probably know this. If you had a breakup and you really miss your ex-girlfriend, and you want her back, you’re probably super desperate and you’re really fond of her. You really really want her back. You love her. What do you think, how does your ex-girlfriend process that breakup?
That’s unfortunately the exact opposite. So most women, when they had a breakup, they don’t care about their ex-boyfriends anymore. They are basically done with the relationship. They just moved on, and they’re ready for the next relationship. So typically, what happens is that the guys realized they really screwed up, they want her back, but the ex-girlfriend just does not care anymore. And she just wants to move on with her life.
And so what happens is actually that typically women only care about their ex-boyfriends after a certain amount of time. So in the beginning, they are just completely done with the relationship. They gave up hope. They don’t want nothing to do with their ex-partner, and then eventually, over time, typically when they started dating some other people, some other men, could also be women, of course, after they’ve been dating for a while, they realize the grass isn’t greener on the other side.
And then it has been proven that most of the time, female exes come back when they realize that their new relationship is not that great and they want to know if they could rekindle their old relationship with their ex. And that’s typically when they come back. And this is why of course the no contact rule does make sense because, especially for men, actually, more so than for women, I would say, well not really, actually it’s just that for men you have more benefits than women using this no contact rule.
So now that we cleared out a little bit how does the no contact rule work and how do women actually process breakups, essentially… They couldn’t care less about you after a breakup. Let’s see how this reflects into a real world scenario. So here’s a guy. He really screwed up quite a bit.
My Ex Girlfriend Was Pissed At Me: She Broke Up With Me After A Fight And She Hates Me
Hey, I got dumped five months ago and I still miss her like crazy but I’ve made a lot of mistakes since then and she hates me. I got dumped because she had me stay over on New Year’s Eve. And supposedly I just ignored her all day because she felt like she was the only one making any effort, which couldn’t be further from the truth. And we had a big argument in the car and she felt like I wanted too much from her, and she dumped me in college, two days later.
See? Exactly what I said. She hates him. That’s quite painful if you have a break up after a new year when you have probably had some new year’s resolutions and you’re excited to probably do some stuff that you will probably never do. But yeah, that kind of sucks.
Turning Into A Stalker: Can You Get Your Ex Back After Begging And Pleading?
I started off spending ages begging her to take me back and then it got to the point where she got pissed off and then didn’t even want me in her life.
Now obviously, he has been begging and pleading too much, like I said, men, they typically are very fond of their exes. They start to beg and plead a lot. They say “hey I need to try this again” They are very much addicted to their ex. They’re still in love with their ex. They haven’t processed the breakup. They don’t want the breakup to happen because they realize they actually really care about this person.
We had an argument one and a half months ago and she said to leave her alone and that she doesn’t want me in her life and apparently she was going to call the police on me if I kept trying to message her.
So he probably took this to extreme levels and this is really why this whole trying to beg and plead really does not work. Especially with women. Because women are just completely over you and to them when you try to beg and plead and don’t leave them alone, it literally feels like abuse to them. It feels like you’re a stalker, a creep, and even though they of course understand where you’re coming from, they are basically no longer emotionally checked in with you.
They have checked out of that relationship probably already a month, two months, three months before the relationship ended and typically women stay in the relationship as long as they emotionally can because they hope that things will change, but of course, most of you don’t change, and you only realize that you gotta get your shit together and you get your act together after a relationship is already over and then you realize “Shit I need to get her back and fix this.“
So he clearly overstepped his bounds. She feels like he’s stalking her. She probably feels like she’s losing her freedom, even though they’re not even together anymore and she just thinks there’s something wrong with him. Right now is the worst time to talk to her, literally. She needs some space from him. She needs to process this breakup and needs to think about the fact of whether or not this was a good idea to break up or not. And he’s giving her a lot of reasons why she should stay broken up with him.
Blocked By The Ex Girlfriend: What To Do If Your Ex Blocks You Everywhere & When She Had Enough?
I apologized two days later on Facebook and she got a mutual friend involved to tell me to stop messaging her but I apologized and that was the last time I messaged her in late April.
So, he tried to apologize again. That just makes it worse. Then she tells her friend: “Hey, please tell this guy to get the hell out of my face.” She’s just trying to find a way to make you disappear, essentially. And the more that you’re trying to force yourself into her life, the more you’re actually intensifying these feelings of not caring about you anymore. The women, just by default, they don’t care about their ex anymore and you’re just intensifying these feelings.
I haven’t spoken to her since, but she didn’t block me on Facebook at first. But eventually, she blocked me there as well.
So you must have done something probably, because she probably wouldn’t block you unless she feels the need that she has to. Because she’s clearly kind of emotionally somewhat over you to some extent, at least for now while, she’s not really processing everything properly yet. And women do this later on, after time has passed, and right now she just wants to get rid of you and you must have done something to warrant being blocked on Facebook as well. I’m assuming you’re not telling this, despite that he says:
Making Your Ex Jealous: Never Try To Get The Attention Of Your Ex Girlfriend — It Looks Weak
Despite that she gets upset when I tell her I’ve been talking to other girls.
So I asked him how does he know that she got upset if she blocked him everywhere? Obviously, if she’s blocked you, how can she get upset about these things? So you’re probably injecting yourself and thinking one of this bullshit advice that you sometimes see on the internet or on YouTube with some coaches…
“Make her jealous and then she’s gonna come crawling back.”
“Take some pictures with some chicks and then she’s gonna be like ‘oh my god he’s moving on, I should probably come back.’”
Some super insecure women might do this, but a lot of them will also just be like… vomit Uggh! You know, people can tell when you’re just faking these kinds of things. Have you ever seen some women or men on TikTok or on Facebook posting these selfies and they’re doing it so excessively, and you can just tell that they are fishing for validation because they’re not happy within themselves?
You can tell these kinds of things when people are not really real with themselves, and when they’re just trying to project an image to other people, and you’ve been trying to make her jealous, and that obviously didn’t work. And she was probably thinking: “Oh geez, this is so annoying, and please just stop.” And then she blocked you on Facebook as well, I’m assuming.
No Contact Beta Male Behavior: I Tried To Make My Ex Jealous And It Backfired
That’s the reason she blocked me everywhere because I kept trying to talk to her for a while and the most recent argument we had back in late April, I said I’m speaking to someone new and that apparently upset her according to her friend.
Yea, like I said she’s like: “Why the heck are you telling me this?!“… What?! Man, what is wrong with you? She’s thinking: “What is wrong with you? So you’re just messaging me to let me know that you’re talking to other people?! Wow, that’s really nice of you.” No, that’s a pretty s* move, to be honest.
I apologized for this argument two days later because it wasn’t pretty. I don’t know what I should do to get her back. Please, help me.
So like I said: Women don’t care about you after a breakup, and in your case, especially. You made it even worse because you’ve been trying to do all of these manipulation tactics and talking too much to her. Basically, almost stalker level. She feels like she needs to call the police and she can tell that you’re trying to make her jealous and that’s not something loving to do.
If we love someone we wouldn’t purposefully manipulate that person, or try to manipulate that person. So she knows that you are just not in the right place. You basically affirmed to her that it was the right decision to break up and so that’s why no contact is a good decision. Not just for her to get some space and think about you again and realize that okay you were emotionally overcharged. You didn’t know what you were doing. You were desperate and you were just brokenhearted.
People can understand that after a while and people eventually think back of the good times of a person, but that’s why no contact is important. Because one, they need to have that space and time to think that and number two, if you don’t stop contacting her and trying to convince her that things are going to get better, and that you’ve changed, and that she should take you back…
The Real Reason To Do No Contact: If You Focus On Your Ex All The Time You Won’t Focus On Yourself
Well, how are you gonna improve yourself and become a better version who doesn’t do these things that really drive her away and show her “Oh my God! I’m so glad that I don’t have to deal with this guy anymore.“
You can’t! Because you’re just focused on her non-stop.And so why should she take you back if you’re just basically the same guy, just ten times worse now. So there were already problems in the relationship. Now that you’re out of the relationship things, are even worse. So why would she have any interest to be back with you? There’s no point of her trying to get back with you because she can just feel that you are oozing with insecurities.
And so she wants to see that you’re a different person. The only way how a woman comes back to you, like I said, like studies suggest, is when she dates someone else and realizes that person also kind of sucks. And essentially you just have to not suck as much as the other people. That sounds unromantic and not very flattering, but that’s the truth. We date the people who provide the best value to us. Who makes us the most happy.
And essentially you just have to stop screwing up. Let other men screw up. And I know that is not a nice thought. You don’t like that thought of her being with other men but that’s the only solution and you have to stop focusing on her. You quite literally need to start doing what she’s doing, which is forgetting you. She is basically not thinking about you right now. She doesn’t care, and typically what happens is we care about our ex again when things are not going that great.
That’s when we look back and we reflect on maybe we can make things work out again. Even now I still have exes who message me sometimes, and out of nowhere. And I’m just baffled about why they do this. But they just can’t find someone better. And so they still reach out after years because they have the hope that they can make it work again. That’s how no contact works, and that’s what you should be doing.
This is my final verdict. I hope you find the strength to stay away from her. Stop messaging her friends, or whatever, and don’t do this crazy stuff. It’s not gonna work. Focus on yourself. You have to rediscover yourself and rediscover the kind of person who she fell in love with when you started dating.
There is a king within you. We all have a king potentially waiting within us. We can all tap into our deepest, strongest, most magnificent power. And sometimes life kicks us a little bit in the balls, and things get hard, and we have breakups, and heartbreaks, and moments when we just feel terrible, like s***, and we have friends who die, or we lose our jobs, and whatnot. This pandemic. And we just feel defeated. But we can pick ourselves up again.
And that’s what makes us interesting to people. What makes you interesting to a woman, the fact that you have strength, and get stuff done, and you pick yourself up when you are at your lowest… That signals people, and especially to women, there’s something strong within you. There’s a strong core within that person that I can rely on when I don’t feel strong. A true king is there to protect his queen. So turn yourself into a king and stop doing this beta male behavior. Stop being a simp. Stop being this needy, weak, and quite frankly… I’m sorry that I say it so bluntly, disgusting person.
She feels disgusted by you, because this is not sexy, man. This is just very unattractive. This makes you literally feel like you want to vomit or run away. I know this doesn’t sound flattering but well, I am a dating coach and I have to be honest with you. Get yourself fixed. Fix yourself and work on yourself, and then maybe you have a chance in the future.
Maybe she will reach out to you, but don’t hope on that. Don’t bet on that. That’s not the goal. Bet on yourself. Bet on becoming a king. Because then you can attract any person in the world, whether it’s her, or someone who might be better for you, actually. Hotter, smarter, more intelligent, witty, funny, whatever qualities you love. You don’t even know if she is the best woman that you’re ever going to meet in your life, okay?