Watch the subtitled video above if you prefer to listen to my advice.
In today’s video, we’re gonna talk about, well, how do I put it… Sometimes, your ex is right for breaking up with you. Or sometimes, the fact that your ex wasn’t happy with you is actually warranted. She didn’t like something. Something that didn’t make her happy. And the harsh truth is, you just didn’t deliver. You didn’t give her what she wanted. And you gotta change your behavior. And no contact is great and not talking to your ex, not reaching out, waiting for her to reach out… That’s great and it’s probably gonna get her to reach out to you eventually. But if you don’t change the things about you that pissed her off, or that frustrated her, or made her really unhappy. It’s fucking pointless and the harsh truth is that sometimes, it was really just your fault and you didn’t pay attention. You didn’t do the right things. And you weren’t willing to rectify your flaws or make small tiny behavior changes that would make your ex, your girlfriend back then, happy.
It’s all about being real with yourself. I’m a big advocate of personal responsibility, and ultimately, you gotta take responsibility for your actions, and the things that you do in a relationship, and how you treat your girlfriend. And if you’re not willing to accept that and look and be real, like “Oh man, this one was really dumb and why didn’t I change my behavior? It’s not really that difficult to change my behavior!“… Then sorry to say it but you kinda deserve the breakup. If you don’t change, then you’re never going to get your ex back. So I have a message from a guy. Yeah, sorry dude, I guess I’m gonna give you a little bit of a real talk here. His message is exactly that. So he did something that made his ex very unhappy and from the sounds of it, basically, I think he kept on doing this small tiny thing that he thought wasn’t really bad, and over time, she just got tired of it. She felt like he did not respect her, or love her enough to make a small tweak that would have made her happy. And so yeah, my advice in coming here, and it’s going to be a bit of a truth bomb here. Sorry about that. So let’s see what he has to say.
My Ex Is Done With Me: Ex Girlfriend Lost Respect For Me And She Doesn’t Want To Be With Me Anymore
Hello coach, kind greetings from Australia. I have been watching a few of your videos and decided to take a leap of faith and reach out to you because I just cannot cope at the moment. I am at the end of my rope and don’t know what to do with myself anymore. My ex broke up with me three weeks ago because she said that I wasn’t a man of my words and that she can’t trust anything that I say.
Now, that sounds pretty bad. I am sure you’ve heard my line in a lot of my shorts… I say this very often in my one-minute clips. A woman who trusts discovers her lust. So if a woman can’t trust you, it’s over. It’s game over. If she doesn’t trust you, she doesn’t want to be with you. If she doesn’t trust you, she doesn’t want to open her legs. If she doesn’t trust you, if she doesn’t feel emotionally connected to you, she doesn’t want to have sex. She doesn’t even want to be in your presence. At some point, she’s going to grow tired and she’s going to realize that she feels miserable when she’s with you. So if your woman says you are not a man of your word, that is a pretty serious accusation. I’m not even saying that… It’s not really an accusation. That’s a pretty serious statement. She basically thinks that being in your presence is not good for her.
That maybe you don’t have enough integrity and she feels like she can’t trust what you say and you won’t do the things that you say you’re gonna do, or she’s always gonna have to deal with unwelcome surprises that she didn’t expect. No woman wants to be in a relationship to expect bad things to happen which shouldn’t have happened. No woman expects you to say one thing and then the opposite happens. No woman expects her guy to lie to her for example. I’m not saying that you’ve been lying, but she thinks that you’re not a man of your word. That is pretty serious. So whether that’s about lying, or just in general, not doing the things that you said you were gonna do… It kills trust and if there’s no trust in the relationship, no woman wants to be with that kind of guy. So that by itself should be a huge truth bomb and you should listen to what she had to say, actually.
The Reason She Broke Up With You: Ex Girlfriend Lost Feelings For You Because You Took No Responsibility
She’s referring to the fact that I have a bit of a forgetful tendency, and sometimes get very busy with work, and just sometimes forget time, or forget stuff to take care of. I’m a very clumsy guy and she said that she had enough of not being able to trust what I say.
So this resonates kind of with me because I think I’m definitely a forgetful guy. I used to be forgetful with a lot of things and I also forget stuff like birthdays. I can’t remember birthdays or I easily forget certain details that people tell me. So look: Nobody is born a certain way. We all teach ourselves to be a certain way. For example, when I was younger, I was very lazy. Was I born lazy? Or was that in my nature? No. Now I’m a super hard-working person. We choose who we want to be. And so if you’re a forgetful guy, sure maybe that’s a little bit more your personality type that you easily forget certain things, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t choose to be different, or to work around it. Right, so for example, if you’re forgetful… Me, myself, I’m forgetful. I write things down in a calendar. Now, birthdays go on the calendar. Really important dates or certain things that I have to take care of, go on the calendar. And guess what? I even write down important notes about when I have a girlfriend and then there’s something that I know I should remember. Just very important stuff. Something that’s really important to her. I write it down because I want to make sure that I have a reference for this.
And that’s just who I am. I’m a bit of a forgetful person but it doesn’t mean that I have to be forgetful. There’s pen and paper, or smartphones, for a reason. So whatever negative quality you have… In your case, it’s forgetfulness or clumsiness. Yeah, that’s one thing. Or other guys might be let’s say inconsiderate… You don’t think about how other people feel. Maybe you’re not so good at empathy and you don’t always think through what people are thinking if you say something without thinking it through properly, then you might be hurting their feelings. It’s the same thing. You can teach yourself to just take a pause, wait first what are you going to say, and then ask yourself… Wait, this is a smart thing to say? Maybe people won’t like it if I say that because It’s gonna hurt their feelings. You’re not born this way and you can change.
And so that’s exactly probably why she was very disappointed with everything and why she broke up with you eventually, because if you have forgetful tendencies, then that is exactly why you should do something about it. Obviously! Why would you not work on your biggest weaknesses? We have to accept each other for our imperfections, for sure, but it’s just not something that you need to do that you have to enforce, that you have to really focus on. Right, so focus on… Meaning… Why not alleviate the pain a little bit? So let me give you an example. So right now, for example, I have a beard. Right now it’s really short. I just trimmed it for the first time in a long long time and I might even get it shorter soon. Maybe I’ll grow it again but right now I’m using something called Minoxidil to get a fuller beard. And right now I don’t have a girlfriend but I know as soon as I have a girlfriend, I gotta shave this shit and I gotta keep it clean. I gotta make sure that the house is always clean. Otherwise, she’s gonna complain about the beard hair. So just clean it up right away! Problem solved!
And yeah, I’m kind of a messy guy. So I’m the kind of guy who would be like yeah just leave the beard hair here and I’ll clean it later. I’ll do it tomorrow. Sometimes I do that. I can be lazy and so I make it a habit. That is one of my worst qualities, that I can be messy and so now I’m making a habit of always just focusing on that weakness. I’m just conscious about this is my weakness. I’m a messy guy. So let me just do the dishes right away. Let me not wait six hours because if I wait six hours, I’m probably gonna wait 12 hours. So you can focus on this and your ex knows. She knew that you could focus on it but you chose not to. That’s the thing. That’s why she broke up with you. So let’s continue and let’s see what you say.
Get Her Back After Messing Up: Small Mistakes In A Relationship Turn Into Massive Problems
She got really mad because I had forgotten to buy tickets for a small intimate concert at a local pub. It’s one of those indie bars that are very popular in town and although we found out way ahead of the event that I forgot to purchase tickets, it was already fully sold out. She was so frustrated because she had been looking forward to that performance for months because it was three popular artists who sometimes do shows together and it’s very rare and she was a big fan of all of them.
So basically, your forgetfulness caused her to not be able to attend something that probably happens like once a year. Maybe. I don’t know how popular these guys are. Maybe just every two years. If it’s three different guys who do a show together, maybe the pub is famous, if it’s fully sold out really, really fast. And she was probably looking forward to this. She’s a big fan of them and you screwed up. Now look, I can guarantee you if this would have been the first time, she wouldn’t have broken up with you. She would have been really upset for sure. Really angry. That would have been that. Right, so it would have passed. But most likely, the reason why she was really, really upset was because it’s just snowballing.
Imagine someone does one annoying thing, another thing another, thing another thing, at some point that person does one more big thing and you’re like fuck it! I have had enough! So I have a situation like this right now. There’s this person who keeps on bashing and complaining about everything all the time and I’m really close to just tell him that he’s a dick and that I cannot fucking listen to this shit again, ever again, and tell him I’m not sure if I still want to be friends with you because I don’t know… You have a problem. You have a mental problem. You have a gratitude problem. And I’m close to exploding and this is how a woman feels when you do these small things here and there every now and then. She’s tolerating it kind of, but that obviously was a really big one. The music that she likes and you screwed up. And she was like… This is an explosion.A nuclear explosion and she had enough of it! So you say: “I couldn’t believe she’d be serious to break up because of something so small.”
That’s not really something small….
When Your Ex Says There’s No Hope: Why You Should Never Chase Your Ex Girlfriend After A Breakup
But she really meant it that she felt like I would never pay enough attention. She wasn’t really angry with me when she broke up. More like disappointed and almost apathetic. She says there’s no hope for us to fix it.
That’s not a good way to go. I couldn’t believe she would go through with this so I begged her to not do this. I told her I was sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again, but she was so cold. Nothing I said to her would even affect her at all. She just kept on going back to the fact that she couldn’t do it anymore and I tried to push her to not overreact but she eventually got angry and told me that she doesn’t want our relationship any longer. She said she wants to be with someone who doesn’t treat her like a sideline priority. Now you might think the fuck is she saying??? Sideline priority, just because I forgot to get the tickets? But it’s just like I said. It’s all a choice.
Your forgetfulness is a choice. In a sense, that is your weakness and you choose not to do anything about it. Why do you choose not to do anything about it? Because you are like “yeah there’s no consequences! My girlfriend, she’s always going to deal with it. She’s always going to put up with it. And no matter how much I screw up, she’s fine with it.“… That’s why you keep on doing it because you haven’t learned yet that… what if you’re really forgetful… then people don’t want to know you. People don’t want to talk to you. People don’t want to deal with you. People don’t want to work with you because it’s fucking annoying but you didn’t have to deal with the consequences yet.
Now you do have to deal with the consequences, but because you didn’t see any consequences, you thought okay, well she felt that she’s not a priority because it’s not that difficult to change your behavior. If you’re that forgetful, if you know that you have to get the tickets… You just make… uh there’s to-do apps now, to-do lists, or even freaking Windows has it built into focus sessions now. A trello board. I don’t fucking care what it is. Your phone has notes. So there’s no excuse to forget this. The thing is you didn’t care enough to put this down as a note and remind yourself to actually take care of it. So that’s why she feels like she’s a sideline priority. So in a way, she’s quite correct about this. She is kind of a second-class citizen here. She’s done with it. She doesn’t want to be a second-class citizen anymore. She would rather break up, even if it hurts.
Now, she’s going to be heartbroken for a while and of course, it feels kind of shitty probably also for her to break up because of something like this but you know what? She would rather be with a guy who is just paying a bit more attention, essentially. And so I guess it does sound silly to you to break up because of something like this, but just think about it. If she has two choices: A guy who always forgets stuff, or is clumsy, and doesn’t pay enough attention to the small details… Versus a guy who always pays attention. Well, who is higher in the value ladder? Clearly, the guy who always sticks to his word, takes care of the things that he’s said he’s going he’s going to take care of. That guy’s trustworthy. She’s going to feel safe with this guy. She’s going to want to have sex with that guy. She’s going to give this guy whatever she wants because he’s going to make her happy and it’s not like he has to do a lot of shit… Just take out the trash. Just buy that concert ticket. Just repair the fence. Small things here and there.
He’s just gonna do the things that he said he was gonna do. Buy me some medicine. Whatever it is. There are so many things that could just bottle up over time, that could piss her off, and so you should have changed your behavior, but you didn’t. So it was your fault, dude. And it wasn’t a small thing to break up over. I mean this was her favorite bands, or artists, right? I mean, if it’s so quickly sold out, it must be really high value. A lot of people see the value in this. She sees the value in this. And by you forgetting this, it tells her that you don’t value her. You don’t value that she values it. So it’s like you’re not cherishing the things that make her special and make her, her. To her, that’s like a big part of her personality. This band, the music that they play, the style of music, the lyrics, that’s a part of her. That’s who she is. I don’t know what kind of music they play but you get it. That’s something that matters to her. So by basically not taking care of something seemingly so unrelated, this ticket, you’re not taking care of her. You don’t care about her. So I know I went like off the deep end here, but that’s basically how she sees it.
If You Want Your Ex Back Do “Nothing”: How To Get Your Ex Back After She Lost Feelings?
That’s not how I felt at all about her. I don’t know where she got all of this from. Ever since the breakup, I cannot think about anything but her. I really need her to give me another chance. I want to convince her that I can’t change. I miss her so much. I don’t feel okay without her and I’ve tried to talk to her. I asked her if she would give me another chance if I would work on making sure I wouldn’t be so forgetful but whenever I messaged her, she would only say that she doesn’t know right now. She said she needs to think about how she feels and that she just wants to be alone right now. This sounds positive, doesn’t it?
I can’t do this any longer. I need her to forgive me but I don’t know what I can do to make her believe that I’ve changed. That I’m not going to be so careless again. She’s the best woman I’ve ever met and I don’t know what I would do without her. It hurts seeing that she doesn’t feel about me the same way. She seems to be moving on as if she never dated me. She doesn’t show any signs of actually caring that I’m willing to change. I have no idea what I should do now. I need to fix this. Help me, please.
I think she just doesn’t believe you right now that you’re willing to fix this. Right, you’re going to fix it. It’s just like okay… She broke up with you and finally, finally! You’re actually paying attention to her and why should she trust you? You didn’t pay attention to this the whole time even for something so important like this concert, so you clearly just want her back. You need her back. You said the word “need” like three times I think in the last few paragraphs. So that just tells me that you’re not focused on that change. You’re focused on promising her to change. But are you actually making the change? Yes, it’s important to tell her that “I’m gonna change. I’m gonna do this”… And you’ve done this. Now stop chasing her.
But the thing that you really need to do is change that behavior of yours. And the truth is you can change that behavior of yours. Right now you don’t need to be with her to change that behavior. If you’re clumsy and forgetful, or I don’t know… Get distracted at work and then you forget to take care of something… Make a conscious choice. Look, the reality is most likely you’re not going to be back with her in the next month. In the next two months. In the next three months. It could take a while for her to message you. So do a diary. Write down how often you screw up this kind of stuff. And then if it still happens, then you haven’t changed. And write it down and either do a diary how much you’re fucking up or even better, just fix the behavior already. I don’t know if you’ve changed it but as I said there are to-do apps, there is Google, there are means. It doesn’t even matter what it is. It’s as I said. It’s not complicated. Google docs or whatever!
Write it down on a pen and paper, on a notepad. I don’t really care! It’s so easy to actually make that change. So have you made that change? Because you gotta prove to her that you’ve changed. For example, imagine that she comes back to you, she messages you, you go on dates again, she’s gonna forgive you for this because it’s not like you cheated or anything. She just was very disappointed and apathetic and she gave up hope on you. But she realized “well maybe I should have given him another chance” but then she comes back and she realizes it’s still the same shit! She’s gonna dump you right away.
But imagine if she comes back, she messages you, you go on a date, and then you tell her: “Here’s my to-do list. I started doing a to-do list. Or I started doing a calendar because yeah, you were right! I didn’t treat you right. I didn’t pay attention to you. I didn’t give enough priority to your needs and making sure that I would always take care of the things that I would say. I feel like I guess I didn’t make you trust me enough and I wanted to change that and so I started to organize my life a little bit more. And I love you and I’m really sorry about this and I guess even though the breakup hurt, it helped me. It helped me grow and it helped me to make an important change in my life. So sorry about that!” and then she’s gonna see oh this guy changed! You changed! And she’s gonna be into you again because she realizes okay this guy can actually learn this lesson. That’s attractive. That’s it, man!
Then you probably get her back relatively easily. So you gotta make the actual change and nobody is born a certain way. If you do something in your relationship that doesn’t make your girlfriend or your ex happy, you can change it. And if you’re telling yourself that it’s not that way… That you’re born this way. That’s bullshit. You’re not taking accountability. You’re not taking responsibility. No one wants a man like that. So be real with yourself, dude. Just fucking fix your shortcomings. And I mean… This is not even a big shortcoming. That’s a small shortcoming. There are other things that are much bigger. Some guys are alcoholics, okay? That’s some serious shit! Or some guys are cheaters. Or some guys have porn addictions. Or some guys are abusive. And even those guys can change. So if you couldn’t change that behavior, why would she ever trust you? Right?! So change yourself! That’s my advice for you. Let me know what you think in the comments below. Give me a thumbs up, subscribe to the channel, and never forget to unleash the king within.